James Acaster Quotes

Before I got married, I had a girlfriend who ran off in the middle of our relationship with a millionaire. She called from the South of France and said, 'I found one, I'm sorry. That's it. Goodbye!'

I once threw a water balloon on a girl because I caught her cheating on me. She was kissing my friend and I thought, 'Oh, this can't be happening.' It was bad and I was much older than you think throwing a water balloon. I was 14.

In my relationship with a young guy I was going with in a band - his name was Sylvester, and I think he had another little girl on the side - I told him, 'If you lose me, you're going to lose a good thing.' And I went home and put that poem to music.

I was dumped at my senior prom - I was 18 and in love. We danced all night, then she got back together with her ex. It broke my heart.

In high school, my prom date fooled around with another guy - on prom night!

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying.

When I was in high school, I hid in the back seat of an old boyfriend's car when he was out with another girl. He finally found me, but not until after he had made out with her for an hour.

I feel 'Ankahee' is a very honest film. It says that in a relationship where there are three people, everybody is doomed. Nobody comes out happy.

I remember my girlfriend dropped me for the guy I thought was really cute.

It is comparatively easy to leave a mistress, but very hard to be left by one.

I guess I'll have to change my plan I should have realized there'd be another man Why did I buy those blue pyjamas Before the big affair began? I guess I'll have to change my plan.

There is nothing more humiliating than loving someone so much that you forgive the infidelities.

Sorry," I said to the Duke. "Eh, it's not your fault. It's Carla's fault. You were turning the wheel. Carla just wasn't listening. I knew I shouldn't have loved her. She's like all the others, Tobin; as soon as I confess my love, she abandons me." I laughed. "I never abandoned you," I said patting on her back. "Yeah, well, (a.) I never confessed my love to you, and (b.) I'm not even female to you.

You got me sitting on the shelf, while you're out bewitching someone else.

Meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

Chaz looks me dead in the eye and says, 'Why yes, Lizzie. I’m manically depressed because the girl I’ve finally realized I’ve always been in love with, and who I was beginning to think just might love me back, turned around and got herself engaged to my best friend, who, frankly, doesn’t deserve her. Does that answer your question?

Every man I have ever known has fallen in love with Gilda and awakened with me.

There is no pain on this earth like seeing the same woman look at another man the way she once looked at you.

I told him I loved him,” she said, her voice dropping to a whisper. “And he just said it wasn’t enough.” Her eyes were wide and bleak . “How am I supposed to live with that?

Chasing after a guy who's not interested in you will rip the hell out of your self-respect. Better to face facts now because the longer you put it off, the harder it'll be.

Really? Was that how you quit me?

This isn't a lie, actually. I don't care why Edward left. All I really want to know is why I wasn't enough to make him stay.

The sullen boy sitting before me is not my husband, and the girl he is fretting over isn't me, will never be me.

What is more humiliating than finding the object of your love unworthy?

He doesn't deserve it. he can have any girl in the world's love and he took yours. someone who deserves so much more than a summer fling