Steven Wright Quotes

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

I have a friend of mine who does me on his answering machine, and when I call him, I answer. It's pretty strange.

One of the most powerful scientific tools ever invented is the telephone.

Pardon me, but there’s someone on the phone who says they have a call for you.” There’s a call to tell me I have a call?” he asked with heavy skepticism.

Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh.

Humor's an excellent way to make a point more palatable and/or relatable.

My films are comical films. They are made to laugh at. They are comical - and scientifically correct.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.

Alexander Graham Bell brought us the telephone. He owns the telephones in the buildings. Thomas Edison owns the lightbulb. Whether they took it and did things to improve it, he's the guy. Now on the dance floor, that belongs to Chubby Checker.

I think that humor has become a principle means of communication among Americans about politics.

Technology improves our lives in so many ways - from our toasters, ovens, and refrigerators at home to our computers, fax machines, and BlackBerrys at work. Technology makes once-burdensome tasks easy and fun.

Hopefully there will be a day when all comedy is all robots.

Comedy can take you a lot further in getting your point across. People are entertained, and then, by being entertained, they get your point.

Humor disarms people. It opens them up to starting a dialogue about things they wouldn't normally talk about. I don't understand how people who don't have a sense of humor get through life.

I think I've kind of carved out a sweet spot for myself by combining science and comedy.

Comedy can be a lot more fun if you try something unique.

Sometimes, I use humor because I believe in revealing truth in a way that other forms cannot.

Humour is ahead of everything creatively. I think if things aren't humorous, they are just crap.

There is almost no topic that can't benefit from being talked about in a humorous way.

The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that.

We are all youthful barbarians, and only our new toys bring us excitement. That has been the sole purpose of our flights. This one flies higher, that one faster. But now we will make ourselves at home. We will forget the machine, the tool. It is no longer complex; it does what it is supposed to do, unnoticed. And through this tool we will find again the old nature, the nature of the gardener, the navigator, the poet.

So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.

I don't know how many times a phone call or e-mail starts with, "I don't agree with anything you say but you're funny as hell so I listen to your show, I love your show."