Terry Pratchett Quotes

Everyone knows that if you can keep on making money, everyone's happy.

I'm the only person I know who's got a bunch of money.

Personally I don't spend much time thinking about being funny. For me it's always been just a way to get by, a way to be likable yet to remain removed. When I speak up, it's not because I have any particular answers; rather, I have a desire to puncture the pretentiousness of those who seem so certain they do.

I want to make money, and I would like to have a lot of money, but I still believe that the only reason to write is that somehow it will make something or somebody better.

I think it's hilarious when middle-aged white men try to take themselves seriously. It makes me laugh.

When you are starting out in your 20s, it is natural to think about all that you will have and do once you start making money, and making more money. That gives money way too much power over your life. It's not about how much you make, but the life that you make with the money you have.

Some people thinks that I'm the Antichrist, which would be a really good disguise for the Antichrist. You'd never see a pudgy, out-of-shape guy, 5 o'clock in the afternoon, being the Antichrist, would you?

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

The love of money is the source of an enormous amount of good; the fact that the good is a by-product of the selfish pursuit of riches has nothing to do with its indisputable value.

I think I became an actor because I couldn't sing.

O citizens, first acquire wealth; you can practice virtue afterward.

I like making money like anybody else, and I'm paid well, but I think there is a point at which you can out-price your audience or your base.

I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.

God probably thinks it’s worth giving a sense of humor only to those of us who have to laugh at all the rubbish bits that are wrong with us.

I think my general disposition on life is finding what's funny about it. When something happens, the first thing in my mind is, "What's funny about it?"

Believe me, my sole purpose is to make as much money as possible; for after good health it is the best thing to have.

Good workemen are seldome rich.

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.

What happens, I think, is especially for comic effect you find something about yourself that you don't like. You exaggerate it, and it's funny.

Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."

There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.

Making money isn't a bad thing at all - it allows for a lot more freedom.

I think I have a good sense of humor, but I'm not, like, a joke-teller. I get the jokes, which is sometimes half the battle. Believe me, I have no idea why anyone hires me.

Making money isn't something to be ashamed of. There's a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP.

Well...you're a martyr and I'm a patron saint-I can't think of anyone better!