Erma Bombeck Quotes

I'm having trouble managing the mansion. What I need is a wife.

Domesticity has to mean nesting. Otherwise, six months go by, and you don't know where your underwear is.

I'm interested in direct communication about domestic life.

Appeles us'd to paint a good housewife upon a snayl; which intimated that she should be as slow from gadding abroad, and when she went she should carry her house upon her back; that is, she should make all sure at home.

A wedding is not house-keeping.

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

Running a house should be left to innkeepers.

That's silly talk... Talk to my wife. She'll tell me I need to learn to just put my socks on the hamper.

How folks lay claim to a loved one is they give you a name of their own. They figure to label you as their property.

Learn how to regulate one's own house well.

I am not convinced that men and women were ever meant to share the same house, though some people can do it beautifully.

Pick up your clothes. I am not your maid. How do I know this? A maid cannot kill you with a tube sock. I can.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

This is very domestic of you," he said. "It's kinda hot, really. Giving me all sorts of fantasies about you in an apron vacuuming my house.

I always wondered why the makers leave housekeeping and cooking out of their tales. Isn't it what all the great wars and battles are fought for -- so that at day's end a family may eat together in a peaceful house?

Two women can't share a house comfortably, no matter how fond they might be of each other. It's got to be one woman's kitchen.

The house, the stars, the desert -- what gives them their beauty is something that is invisible!

Even when couples share more equitably in the work at home, women do two-thirds of the daily jobs at home, like cooking and cleaning up--jobs that fix them into a rigid routine. Most women cook dinner and most men change the oil in the family car. But dinner needs to be prepared every evening around six o'clock, whereas the car oil needs to be changed every six months, any day around that time, any time that day.... Men thus have more control over when they make their contributions than women do.

They say that nameless things change constantly—that names fix them in place like pins.

Women are the centre of the family. It's the woman who decides what's eaten in the house, when to have the kids vaccinated; everything that has to do with the children's health revolves around her.

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

When life gives you lemons, you exchange them at the store for something more edible.

Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.

Stay at home mom is still a job.

But the dust! And the clutter! My housewifely and scholarly instincts were equally offended.