Jackie Mason Quotes

I'm not in the business of reading tea leaves. I don't have a crystal ball.

The pollsters are engaged in an ancient and primitive rite—trying to predict the future.

I'm not a fortune-teller.

I can't predict the future, nor will I. I'm not a fortune teller.

No one predicts the future. No one tries to.

People have always had this craving to have someone tell them the future. Long ago, kings would hire people to read sheep guts. There's always been a market for people who pretend to know the future. Listening to today's forecasters is just as crazy as when the king hired the guy to look at the sheep guts.

What I have figured out is that I can predict the future. I just can't predict when.

Men, forever tempted to lift the veil of the future-with the aid of computers or horoscopes or the intestines of sacrificial animals-have a worse record to show in these sciences than in almost any scientific endeavor.

You can't see the future, there's no such thing. It's all bets. You'll never get the same answer from two seers. But that doesn't mean either of them's wrong.

Nobody knows what the future is except for wizards.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

Well, with prophecy you got to see what happens.

Prophecy is what we all have to go by now.

I'm not certain, but I have a little gypsy blood in me. And my mother always told me that her grandma could give someone the evil eye, and I'd better not cross her because she had some of that blood in her. Mother always believed that she could predict the future, and she had dreams that came true.

I don't really believe in palm readers and crystal balls and tarot cards, but I respond to the need for them.

What are prophecies? Don't we hear them every day of the week? And if one comes true there may be seven blind and come to nothing.

Being a visionary is a new profession, but it is really just a variant on fortunetelling, which may be the world's oldest. And its marketing appeal is similar - people will pay for reassurance about the unknown.

A writer is a palmist, reading the lines of the planet.

I was brought up with psychics and tarot cards. My mum was always told I was going to be in a boy band and be famous as a singer.

The world values the seer above all men

In what depends on the known or the regular course of nature, the mind trusts to itself; but in strange and uncommon situations, it is the dupe of its own perplexity, and, instead of relying on its prudence or courage, has recourse to divination, and a variety of observances, that, for being irrational, are always the more revered.

Nobody can be a clairvoyant.

Indeed, the hereditary gift of prophecy will go to the grave with me.

Foreseeing the future is always difficult.

I do believe in prophecy.