Dave Barry Quotes

Like all these women in Hollywood, people don't realize that they work out like six hours a day with a personal trainer and have a chef. They can pay for all of that stuff, and that's why they look like that.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

Be careful about what you eat because otherwise you get fat! Do you like to be fat? Eat very, very, very little things. Almost starve, but I don't starve, because I eat very much.

I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.

I was gaining weight very rapidly and read about the idea of restricting carbohydrates as an alternative to going hungry. I had a big appetite, so that was the only thing I would even consider.

I don't eat two days a week. And people are fascinated by it, but it works. If you cut two days of food out of your life you will lose weight.

I had to train myself to eat less.

The great thing about The Simple Life is that it's a reality show but not based on my reality, ... It has nothing to do with my life or my home or my relationships or anything. I'm not open to anything like that.

All you need to do is workout, and eat right, shut up and listen to me.

When your kids are their hungriest, put out raw vegetables and dip - simple. It takes two seconds. We did it before dinner at 5 o'clock. Then when dinnertime comes, they've already eaten vegetables.

I think it may have been Tom Wolfe (if it wasn't, my apologies, Tom, and my apologies to whoever it was) who said in print once, 'David Carradine lives the life that Hunter Thompson only writes about.'

When I was young and crazy, I was young and crazy. It can be hard enough just to BE in your teens and 20s. Then add fame, money, access, and every single person telling you that you're the greatest person who ever was, and it can be a recipe for disaster. Some people literally don't survive it.

It is going to have healthy food and exercise mixed together. With smaller portions, and more exercise, you live a better life.

Madonnas got one big choice. Take a couple of years off and become a human being.

Even when I was young I wanted to be an actress. I knew the actors and the paparazzi. It was just kind of always in my landscape. It was never directed at me, but it was always somewhere so I could see how it operated and I could see it from afar and go 'Wow, that's not really glamorous, it's kind of exhausting not having any privacy.' So it was never something I pursued. The first time I saw the billboard for Pretty Little Liars I almost got into a car accident!

So there I was in Hollywood, thinking I was doing good.

If you use Hollywood as the test tissue for mankind, what could the prognosis be?

I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.

You really can't function as a celebrity. Entertainers are celebrities. I'm an architect. I'm an artist. I make things.

I'm kind of naturally thin, so if I were to completely crash diet, I'd almost be too skinny.

People have always been fascinated by people in the public eye and what they wear, what they are doing, but not in a tabloid way. Tabloid celebrities are a turnoff. A lot of celebrities...you wonder why they are celebrities.

I don't have to meet actors. I'm really blessed that I don't have to do all that horseshit.

Have you ever taken a sober look at any of the mutants who run these Hollywood-gossip sites? What a crew! None of them could ever, ever be stars, which is why they're always trying to "take the piss" from those they envy.

The bit I love is I really love acting, really, and the circus of being a celebrity is something I'm sort of not interested in. I find it strange.

If there had been an exercise I'd liked, would I have gotten this big in the first place?