Terry Pratchett Quotes

Rabo Karabekian: I'm in the middle of a sentence. Circe Berman: Who isn't?.

You're Bes, I guess?" I said. "Yes," he said. "Your car's a mess," Liz muttered. "If one more person rhymes," Emma grumbled, "I'll throw up.

You could have gotten a car with GPS," Total said helpfully. Yes," I said "Or we could have brought along a dog that doesn't talk." I gave Angel a pointed look, and she smiled, well, angelically, at me. Total huffed, offended at me and climbed into her lap.

"Hello, Max," he said quietly, searching my face. "How do you feel?" Which was a ten on the 'imbecilic question' scale of one to ten. "Why, I feel fine, Jeb," I said brightly. "How about you?" "Any nausea? Headache?" "Yep. And it's standing here talking to me."

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying.

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Mark: When did you learn to drive? Courtney: About three seconds ago.

I swear, Kat, you drive like you’re playing a video game. (Cassandra) Yeah, yeah. Wanna see the ray gun I have under the hood to zap them if they don’t get out of my way? (Katra)

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.' 'What you got on it?' the girl said. 'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.' 'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely.

Are you on drugs?" "No." "Maybe you should be.

Talk. I'll just wait' shall I? Because my mission to save this town is of no importance whatsoever next to your girl talk."- Myrnin "Oh, shut up, you medieval drama queen" - Claire

Right,' Thomas said. 'Where are we headed?' 'To where they treat me like royalty,' I said. 'We're going to Burger King?' I rubbed the heel of my hand against my forehead and spelled fratricide in a subvocal mutter, but I had to spell out temporary insanity and justifiable homicide, too, before I calmed down enough to speak politely. 'Just take a left and drive. Please.' 'Well,' Thomas said, grinning, 'since you said 'please' - Thomas Raith & Harry Dresden, Small Favor, Jim Butcher

Gus: "It tastes like..." Me: "Food." Gus: "Yes, precisely. It tastes like food, excellently prepared. But it does not taste, how do I put this delicately...?" Me: "It does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by several luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals floated down around your canal-side dinner table." Gus: "Nicely phrased." Gus's father: "Our children are weird." My dad: "Nicely phrased."

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.

Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

How long could we do this before you started bitching?" Simon said as we turned down another street of apartment buildings. "What?" "We've been walking for two days now, and you haven't complained once. It's damned annoying, you know." I looked at him. "If you don't complain, then I can't complain. Not without sounding like a whiny little snot.

That's good. And speaking of spelling, tell me -- do you wrap your head in a towel after you shower?

Banter is often a proof of want of intelligence.

You look disappointed to see me, Zach," Macey teased. "Don't you like my jacket?

Tea? At the beach? No time for luxuries, Holly. There is important work to be done.” He winked at Butler. “Are you sure you’re at the library? I thought I heard water.” Artemis smiled, enjoying the exchange. “Water? Surely not. The only thing flowing here is information.” “Are you grinning, Artemis? For some reason I get the feeling that you’re wearing that smug smile of yours.

Why are you making a joke out of this?" she asks. "Because it's stupid, Nik. There's not even room in my day to think about someone else.

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome.