Terry Pratchett Quotes

I swear, Daimons or not, if you don’t behave, Z, I’m going to send you to Antarctica and leave you there to rot. (Acheron) Ooo. I’m terrified. Those killer penguins and hairy seals are really scary. (Zarek)

If I get one more person telling me I look like Eliot Spitzer, I'm just going to have to play the guy one day.

I have friends who are so sarcastic but I never view it as mean.

You could have gotten a car with GPS," Total said helpfully. Yes," I said "Or we could have brought along a dog that doesn't talk." I gave Angel a pointed look, and she smiled, well, angelically, at me. Total huffed, offended at me and climbed into her lap.

I swear, Kat, you drive like you’re playing a video game. (Cassandra) Yeah, yeah. Wanna see the ray gun I have under the hood to zap them if they don’t get out of my way? (Katra)

Talk. I'll just wait' shall I? Because my mission to save this town is of no importance whatsoever next to your girl talk."- Myrnin "Oh, shut up, you medieval drama queen" - Claire

I tried to explain as much as I could," Poppet says. "I think I made an analogy about cake." "Well, that must have worked," Widget says. "Who doesn't like a good cake analogy?

Right,' Thomas said. 'Where are we headed?' 'To where they treat me like royalty,' I said. 'We're going to Burger King?' I rubbed the heel of my hand against my forehead and spelled fratricide in a subvocal mutter, but I had to spell out temporary insanity and justifiable homicide, too, before I calmed down enough to speak politely. 'Just take a left and drive. Please.' 'Well,' Thomas said, grinning, 'since you said 'please' - Thomas Raith & Harry Dresden, Small Favor, Jim Butcher

You know what burns me? Matches.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Personally, I just tease people a lot.

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

I love making wisecracks.

I have a sense of humor, and sometimes it gets me into trouble.

Don't get your panties in such a twist... and give me back mine.

Rabo Karabekian: I'm in the middle of a sentence. Circe Berman: Who isn't?.

You're asking for trouble, Hannagan," he growls. "And you would be....?" Janie asks. She giggles. "Trouble.

Gazzy called over to me "I can't see anything!" "I can't see anything either," Iggy complained. "I'm rolling my eyes, Ig." I had to tell him that because he couldn't see me do it, what with his blindness and all.

If I wanted you to understand it, I would have explained it better.

Don't ask me any questions right now. I'm grumpy and I'll probablly make fun of you. -Effie Kaligaris

Oh, he is cute!” Shane said in a fake girly voice. “Gee, maybe we can ask him out!” “Shut up, you weasel. Claire, hit him!

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled.