Demetri Martin Quotes

My house is full of antics, mayhem, foolishness, carrying on, cutting up, shucking and jiving, and I have that whether cameras are there or not. Our youngest just had us up with her shenanigans and hijinks all night. So, it's all the time, even off camera.

I learned that if you're going to be a troublemaker, you don't want a ton of witnesses, because there's inevitable fallout from living like you're in 'Lord of the Flies.'

The crowd paid little or no respect to every player out there tonight.

You can't imagine what satisfaction can be gotten from throwing a pie into someone's face.

Gates is a clown—–an absolute clown.

My brother and I are kind of known for doing fairly ridiculous and stupid things.

Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.

I'm always up to no good, messing about.

McGregor has no respect for the sport, for the person. That's it. He's not good for the sport.

My worst habit is my untidiness. It bewilders my family, the degree to which I can create absolute chaos around me.

I set my monkey on the log, and ordered him to do the Dog. He wagged his tail and shook his head, and he went and did the Cat instead.

It is a way of calling a man a fool when no attention is given to what he says.

You never turned around to see the frowns on the jugglers and the clowns when they all did tricks for you.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

Screw every known human culture.

What's this about?" "Finally. Interest," was the only response. "If this is one of your tricks..." Like the time Torin had ordered hundreds of blow-up dolls and placed them throughout the fortress, all because Paris had foolishly complained about the lack of female companionship in town. The plastic "ladies" had stared our from every corner, their wide eyes and let-me-suck-you mouths taunting everyone who passed them. Things like that happened when Torin was bored.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

You might as well talk to my baby daughter. You'll get more sense out of her

When you are brought up in a zoo, you know what's going on in the monkey house. You see a couple of monkeys loose and one is President and one is Vice President, you know it's trouble. Monkeys make trouble.

Rats They fought the dogs and killed the cats, And bit the babies in the cradles, And ate the cheeses out of the vats, And licked the soup from the cook's own ladles. Split open the kegs of salted sprats, Made nests inside men's Sunday hats, And even spoiled the women's chats By drowning their speaking With shrieking and squeaking In fifty different sharps and flats.

I don't get no respect

As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.

What ought to be done is neglected, what ought not to be done is done; the desires of unruly, thoughtless people are always increasing.

The rules!" shouted Ralph, "you're breaking the rules!" "Who cares?