Gary Shteyngart Quotes

It is a cliche that most cliches are true, but then like most cliches, that cliche is untrue.

There's nothing more ironic or contradictory than life itself.

'Extremes meet', as the whiting said with its tail in its mouth.

Nothing, like something, happens anywhere.

I have declared that patience is never more than patient. I too have declared, that I who am not patient am patient.

When somebody says that all statements are false, the obvious problem is that as an assertion it's self-defeating.

I went up a straight crooked lane and, I said 'No thanks, yes if yer please.

Simon would not want to audition in front of Simon.

Pair up in threes.

That's an old saying I just made up.

Irony is the form of paradox. Paradox is what is good and great at the same time.

The expression "positive neutrality" is a contradiction in terms. There can be no more positive neutrality than there can be a vegetarian tiger.

You can never say, “I am humble.” You have disproved the assertion by saying it.

The fact would seem to be, if in my situation one may speak of facts, not only that I shall have to speak of things of which I cannot speak, but also, which is even more interesting, but also that I, which is if possible even more interesting, that I shall have to, I forget, no matter. And at the same time I am obliged to speak. I shall never be silent. Never.

Dead Max was the biggest oxymoron in history.

It is certain because it is impossible. -Certum est quia impossibile

Military intelligence, two words combined that cant make sense

Oh, that fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The words kept coming back to him, statement of a mystical truth and a palpable absurdity.

I am serious about not being serious.

Everything I tell you is a lie." -Vergere

Paradoxes are the only truths.

I want to get a tattoo of the word irony, only misspelled.

Whatever you might say the object "is", well it is not.