Mike Birbiglia Quotes

Black bears rarely attack. But here's the thing. Sometimes they do. All bears are agile, cunning and immensely strong, and they are always hungry. If they want to kill you and eat you, they can, and pretty much whenever they want. That doesn't happen often, but - and here is the absolutely salient point - once would be enough.

3. There are bears and there are small dogs. Be strong like bear! If they take out your teeth, sit on the dogs. Bears always forget they can just sit on the dogs. Sit on the dogs.

We're interested in things that have big teeth, and you can see the evolutionary value of that, and you can also see the practical consequences by watching 'Animal Planet.' You notice they make very few programs about gerbils. It's mostly about things that have big teeth.

There's what we expect bears to do and then there's what they do. Sometimes the two don't match.

Animals of all classes, old and young, shrink with instinctive fear from any strange object approaching them.

I blame it on Walt Disney, where animals are given human qualities. People don't understand that a wild animal is not something that is nice to pat. It can seriously harm you.

These are the animals that are the reason why you don't see old animals in the wild. You don't see sick animals in the wild. You don't see lame animals in the wild, and its all because of the predator: the lion, the tiger, the leopard, all the cats.

Human beings are the only animals of which I am thoroughly and cravenly afraid.

I have held healthy respects of bears along with assorted crocodiles, snakes and lots of other animals. You know, bears are dangerous, you have to be super careful.

Imagine, for example, birds. When they look out at the world, they have a sense that they are alive. If they are in pain, they can do something about it. If they have hunger or thirst, they can satisfy that. It's this basic feeling that there is life ticking away inside of you.

If the lion knew his own strength, hard were it for any man to rule him.

...if you fall into a lion's pit, the reason the lion will tear you to pieces is not because it's hungry-be assured, zoo animals are amply fed-or because it's bloodthirsty, but because you've invaded it's territory.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.

The Deer don't dineWhen a Wolf's about,And the PorcupineSticks his quill-points out.

One of the things I like best about animals in the wild is that they're always off on some errand. They have appointments to keep. It's only we humans who wonder what we're here for.

All beasts of prey are strong or treacherous.

We are told, that the black bear is innocent; but I should not like to trust myself with him.

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.

If you see me in a fight with a bear, pray for the bear.

Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

Me Brock Lesnar. Here comes the pain. God built me strong. Forget to give me brain.

Animals do not do what they have done. Animals kill to eat, to defend themselves or their own, and to protect their territory. Not for the joy of it. Not for the lust of it...Only humans do that, wizard.

Q: If you could be an animal, what kind of animal would you be? A: You already are an animal.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.