Mark Wahlberg Quotes

Tom Jones is funny to me, man. I mean, he really tries to ape Ray Charles and Sammy Davis, you know. He's nice-looking; he looks good doing it. I mean, if I was him, I'd do the same thing. If I was only thinking about making money.

Everything I do is intended to make people laugh and think. I just think something is funny, it's not hurting anybody, not stabbing anybody, not shooting anybody, not making anybody watch me perform. There are thousands of comedians, don't come see me because it's not like I hide it.

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.

I believe that comedians do what they do, and then they get credit or criticism for doing it. There's nothing planned about this.

I do think that I am fundamentally the same relatively simple person I've always been. I just have this flashy, wacky job [actress] that confuses people into thinking that I'm somehow ultrafascinating.

My whole life, people have been saying, "Why are you so angry?" and I didn't know what the hell they were talking about. After I saw myself at the MTV Awards, I realized, Wow, I do kind of come off a bit intense. I wasn't upset at MTV at all - I didn't mean to come off that way. But I think it's good if I appeared a bit angry. People are too complacent.

I don't mind if someone thinks I'm a sell out. I go to bed happy knowing I do what I do and I'm not doing anything for reasons of money, and if I were trying to pick up chicks, I'm doing a horrible job. And if I wanted to drive awesome cars, I'm doing a really bad job there too.

I did get good enough to get on HBO's Young Comedians Special, but I certainly wasn't the person who got launched off of HBO's Young Comedians Special. That would be Ray Romano that year. I had some semi-intelligent jokes, but when people would see me, they would think, "Oh, that's a good writer." No one would ever have said, "Oh, that's a good performer."

I love comedy. If I could be a comedian - well, I probably would not take that job because it seems really hard, but I wish I could be.

I'm not a politician, I'm a comedian. I know my limitations.

I think for me one of the big things was realizing that being Boy George is my job. It's what I do.

You're not going to be able to look like anyone else, no matter how hard you try, unless you're a mimic, then you're not acting, you're just mimicking. You can't go on being John Wayne, that's John Wayne. So you're not going to steal from John Wayne. I'm not going to steal from John Wayne and you're not going to come back and say 'Didn't you get that from the circus?' You know. But he is one of those people who instructs me, whom I look up to - whom I think is one of the masters of his craft that I am so enamoured of.

I think we're past the time in history where you have to come out and say, "I'm happy all the time! I'm a joker! I'm a crazy man!" I think people understand that I can turn that switch on but that I'm also a sensitive, normal human being with feelings and I know how to express those too.

The more popular a person thinks he is in the blogosphere, the thinner his skin and the thicker his hypocrisy. This should be exactly the opposite: the higher you go the thicker the skin and thinner the hypocrisy.

I don't think I have a tragic demeanor.

My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I just thought I knew how to do comedy.

Some comedians you work with, they only turn on when the camera turn on, and they're like sad-faced clowns when the camera's off. And then, they come alive when the camera come on. And you be like, "Oh, damn. You're not a depressed ball of depression, but you are actually funny."

It is in most cases more difficult to make intelligent people believe that you are what you are not, than really to become what you would appear to be.

I always thought it was what I wanted: to be loved and admired. Now I think perhaps I'd like to be known.

People keep referring to me as a standup, and that just doesn't sit well with me because a lot of my friends are standups and they're brilliant at writing jokes, and I'm not.

I don't do anything to try to change people's perceptions of me. I tend to think that's sort of an ego driven thing.

You'll never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking what sort of impression you make.

I was a fan of "The Daily Show" I watched it,I never imagined being on it, but I figured I would just go down there and do my best Stephen Colbert impression.

My job is to go out and entertain the most people possible. The job is to make people laugh. I don't have a mission. I don't have a torch to burn.

Most comedians weren't great athletes; that was the way they got noticed in high school.