Randy Newman Quotes

If God should punish men according to what they deserve, he would not leave on the back of the earth so much as a beast.

To suggest that God specifically created a worm to torture small African children is blasphemy as far as I can see. The Archbishop of Canterbury doesn't believe that.

God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live.

Even the most malignant gods would not continue to inflict life upon humanity, time without end.

Never pray for justice, because you might get some.

Sometimes I rant, in a comical way, about how the gods give with one hand and take with the other.

The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists. That is why they invented Hell.

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.

God has blessed you richly, so get down on your knees and thank him. Don’t forget the less fortunate or God will personally kick your ass. I’d love to do it for him, but I can’t be everywhere.

Practically, Science is true; and Faith is foolish.

The cross is where God forgave his children without lowering his standards.

If there were a God he would want us to be better spirited than to take his word for everything.

I'll give you the same advice I give my children: Never take advice from anybody.

I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. If you look at it logically, it's something that was drilled into your head when you were a small child. It certainly was drilled into mine at that age. And you really can't be responsible when you are a kid for what adults put into your head.

What I have against religion is that they start you when you are so defenseless. I mean, I was three when they started pumping this bullshit into my head. I believed in Santa Claus and the Fairy Godmother, of course I believed in a virgin birth, and a guy lived in a whale, and a woman came from a rib. But then something happened that made me doubt all of it: I graduated sixth grade!

I believe what Jesus said, but Jesus never said priests couldn't be fools.

Blessed are the common people. God loves them; that is why he made millions of them.

I don't think anyone is going to Hell, because it only exists in the minds of people who wish ill will on others.

I had always been told the bible was a book about love, but I couldn't find enough love in it to fill a salt shaker. God is not love in the bible; God is vengeance. There is no other book between whose covers life is so cheap.

For the gods, though slow to see, see well, whenever a man casting aside worship turns folly.

Nemesis is one of God's handmaids.

Now the good gods forbid That our renowned Rome, whose gratitude Towards her deserved children is enrolled In Jove's own book, like an unnatural dam Should now eat up her own!

God does not punish directly. His ways are inscrutable.

Faith can move mountains; true: mountains of stupidity.