Chuck Klosterman Quotes

Sarcasm helps me overcome the harshness of the reality we live, eases the pain of scars and makes people smile.

I recommend a little dose of cancer to anyone.

If you don't have humour, then you may as well nail the coffin lid down now.

The key to gallows humor is to make the joke, no matter how certain the gallows is.

We come from a long line of people who live to read boring texts – I think it may be why we all die young. Complete boredom. (Geary)

Sometimes I think that Jesus watches my neurotic struggles, and shakes his head and grips his forehead and starts tossing back mojitos.

There are two types of people in the world: those who think everyone needs therapy, and those who have never been.

The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

Do you think there’s anything to eat in this forest?” “Yes,” said the wizard bitterly, “us.

You know, I'm the only one in this family who has no problems, . . . And you know why? Because any time I'm feeling blue, or puzzled , what I do, I just invite a few people to come visit me in the bathroom, and--well, we iron things out together, that's all.

And if I wanted to kill myself, I wouldn't throw myself off a roof. And if I was going to throw myself off a roof, I would put on some pants before I did it.

I think you should control yourself a little bit, so you can walk, and when you die, you can walk to your own funeral.

For a time after my divorce everything began to seem profoundly ironic to me. I found myself thinking of other peoples' worries as sources of amusement and private derision which I thought about at night to make myself feel better.

I swear to you on any kind of sacred whateverthefuck you favor: if I live through this I will absolutely start taking your advice." "That'll look nice on your headstone.

How are the eyes?' 'Oh, excellent,' he said. 'I mean, they're not in my head is the only problem.' 'Awesome, yeah,' Gus said. 'Not to one-up you or anything, but my body is made out of cancer.' 'So I heard,' Issac said, trying not to let it get to him. He fumbled toward Gus's hand and found only his thigh. 'I'm taken,' Gus said.

I don't think you're dying," I said. "I think you've just got a touch of cancer. He smiled. Gallows humor.

We chose it's name [Give the People What They Want] a while ago, long before the cancer. But I can't think of a more fitting title.

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

What would we do without irony? Check out your own daily reliance on it, the foul-weather friend who's there for you when nothing else is.

Say something, Amy," Miranda insists. "Something positive. I'm sure it'll make you feel better." "Okay, Miranda. I've got it." I motion the girls to lean in close to hear my words. "At least I'm not dead." How's that for positivity? I have to admit it does make me feel better.

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

Lots of death, huh? Personally, I'm trying to avoid lots of death, but you guys have fun!

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

God is dead but my hair is perfect.

I really do think how we frame things determines so much of our experience, and I've been talking to a lot of oncologists, like, why don't we call them transformation suites and give people transformation juice and have guides that support people when they're going through chemo so you could actually burn away what needs to be burned away, as opposed to this dread, terror, horror, which is a very different experience.