Jon Stewart Quotes

Unfortunately, WorldCom is not the only company caught up in this kind of accounting scandal. The impact this will have on the general public is yet to be seen.

Bernie Ebbers and Ken Lay were caricatures - they were easy to spot. They were almost psychopaths. But it's much harder to spot problems at companies like Royal Dutch [Shell].

I never have been in Bernie Fine's hotel room in my life.

If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions.

As alleged, the most senior executives at Brixmor engaged in a years-long scheme to cook the books and deceive the investing public.

Tanushree Dutta became Miss India as she slept her way to the top.

I definitely never had an affair with the president.

You know when you go into your pocket and feel another hand in there? Well, that's Premier Kathleen Wynne.

To many in the global community, American business - especially our financial institutions - are seen as a bunch of thieves, and as the saying goes, 'There's no honor among thieves.'

The Enron scandal is worthy of the highest level of scrutiny, both because of the enormity of the crimes that may have been committed and because of what the largest bankruptcy in American history has already begun to reveal about the weaknesses in our nation's corporate structures and regulatory oversight.

Beauty endures only for as long as it can be seen; goodness, beautiful today, will remain so tomorrow.

The energy problems that we face today were built up over a long period of time and are not going to be solved overnight.

Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling ya, this guy is presidential material.

Clearly Mr. Drkh has had a long career of being the weirdest person in any given room, but he's about to go down in flames.

Amy Poehler and I have been friends for so long, we're like Oprah and Gale. Only we're not denying anything.

Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn't boring.

President Bush has urged people to get back to normal and today Congress announced that they are accepting bribes again.

In today's world, everything seems like some sort of long audition.

Enron CEO Kenneth Lay has apparently just slipped across the border into Pakistan.

Today I blame only certain agents for my long eclipse as a public entertainer.

The French Revolution printed money because they didn't have any, so they just printed it, and this was a revolutionary step which of course we are still reaping the huge consequences of today. It struck me that this was beginning to happen...there had been scandals where shares had been printed.

Creative accounting is an absolute curse to a civilization. One could argue that double-entry bookkeeping was one of history's great advances. Using accounting for fraud and folly is a disgrace. In a democracy, it often takes a scandal to trigger reform. Enron was the most obvious example of a business culture gone wrong in a long, long time.

Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been 'acting' like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.

I did not have a homosexual relationship with a man in Denver.

In the Enron scandal, whistleblower Sherron Watkins is now calling herself Enron Brokovitch. She testified Ken Lay was duped by the other executives. Oh, yeah. When is the last time you got duped and made $100 million?