Scott Westerfeld Quotes

The important thing to remember is that bugs don't actually talk.

You can parody almost anything.

The most serious parody I have ever heard was this: In the beginning was nonsense, and the nonsense was with God, and the nonsense was God.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

Smart writers never understand why their satires on our town are never successful. What they refuse to accept is that you can't satirize a satire.

Ridicule is the unfortunate destiny of the ridiculous.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

Ridicule, the weapon of all others most feared by enthusiasts of every description, and which from its predominance over such minds, often checks what is absurd, and fully as often smothers that which is noble.

And thus being totally preoccupied, he rode so slowly that the sun was soon glowing with such intense heat that it would have melted his brains, if he'd had any.

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!

I'd heard of Evergreen Care Center before. Cass and I had always made fun of the stupid ads they ran on TV, featuring some dragged-out woman with a limp perm and big, painted-on circles under her eyes, downing vodka and sobbing uncontrollably. "We can't heal you at Evergreen", the very somber voiceover said. "But we can help you to heal yourself." It had become our own running joke, applicable to almost anything. "Hey Cass, "I'd say, "hand me that toothpaste." "Caitlin," she'd say, her voice dark and serious. "I can't hand you the toothpaste. But I CAN help you hand the toothpaste to yourself.

If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet.

Tragedy is the most ridiculous thing.

He plants his feet stubbornly, adopting what he must think is an heroic post. He's just begging for a pigeon to fly by and relieve itself.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

We wouldn't want to be like the Swiss, would we? That would be awful! We'd be rich!

One parody is worth a thousand polemics.

Since someone ate crabs, others must have eaten spiders as well. However, they were not tasty. So afterwards, people stopped eating them. These people also deserve our heartfelt gratitude.

Is there anything so grave and serious as an ass?

Our own peculiar human condition is that we are as fit to be laughed at as able to laugh.

Fifteen birds in five firtrees, their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze! But, funny little birds, they had no wings! O what shall we do with the funny little things? Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot; fry them, boil them and eat them hot?

Ridicule often checks what is absurd, and fully as often smothers that which is noble.

I do not make jokes about Sarah Palin simply because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person.

Laughter almost ever cometh of things most disproportioned to ourselves and nature: delight hath a joy in it either permanent or present; laughter hath only a scornful tickling.