SIMON HELBERG

I thought it was going to be a hut in Topanga and Janis Joplin was going to come out, but it's a real doctor... I went to Beverly Hills to meet this midwife; you'd think they'd be in nature.

I wouldn't wear turtlenecks. That I'm not envious of. But who knows? I might sneak out a few things and hope and pray that no one says, 'Hey, didn't you wear that when you were playing an enormous geek on TV?'

I walked into the wrong examination room. I'm bad enough at facial recognition... I saw more that day than I cared to. Fortunately, I didn't recognize her from that angle, whoever it was, and I didn't ask. I'm off to a rocky start on the road to fatherhood, but I got a free view.

I'm married, so I tend not to hit on every girl.

We're going to do a natural birth. At first she was like, 'We should do it at home,' and I said, 'Look, either way, when you go into labor, I will be checking into a hospital... so if you want to come along, come along.

I actually struggled through teaching myself to cook because I'm completely ignorant in the kitchen. So I did really macho things like trying to make my own curry. Really hardcore stuff.

Actually, when I was young, I believe I met Nicolas Cage. I think I was probably eight, and I remember seeing him at somebody's house - it was an event and he happened to be there. People would ask me if I was his son, because I looked like him at that point, so I do remember feeling some connection and just wanting to say, like, 'Papa!'

I don't believe I'll be in the new 'Arrested Development' unless they ask me, in which case, okay! That's how easy I am to get.

I grew up surrounded by sketch comedy.

Playing piano well is one thing, but attempting to play at concert level accompanying Meryl Streep while Stephen Frears is filming you in front of hundreds of people is - well - psychotic.

I certainly think, obviously, rhythm is a huge part of being an actor. It just is unconscious, to a degree, but particularly in comedy, rhythm is pretty essential, and there's probably something more physiological going on.

I am fairly physically aware and agile, and I imbue that into the characters I play.

We all have those dreams of going back in time and seeing what it was like when our parents were younger.

I've learned over time that human beings tend to want to do more than they have the courage to do or that the social contract will allow them to do.

Failing passionately is a success in its own right.

There's something very funny about giving a menial task to a genius and watching him find so much complexity and overanalyse it to such a degree that the waitress from Nebraska working at the Cheesecake Factory has passed them all by.

I love Jerry Lewis. I loved Jim Carrey when I was younger, and Mike Myers and Phil Hartman, all the 'Saturday Night Live' people in the late '80s.

I have great instincts, like the instincts of a squirrel. You know, like when you're driving and a squirrel stops in the middle of the road.

I'm obviously more known for being on television, and that's where most people see me.

As actors, we tend to usually have some issues with self-esteem and some need for validation, and it takes awhile for that fear of not having a job to go away.

I'd say I'm really, really good for a 16-year-old, which is where I peaked. I'm impressive, but not classically trained, not a concert pianist.

My parents tried to convince me that school won't always be there, but auditions will. I said, 'Really? Are they tearing down NYU?'

I really like 'Project Runway.' I know it's reality, so that might be kind of faux pas for me to say.

I don't think Hollywood respects multi-camera television. Well, I don't think they disrespect it, but I don't think it gets respect for its artistry.

I play piano, and I was really, really obsessive about playing piano in high school. I don't know if that's nerdy, but I definitely locked myself in the room and was playing jazz. I was 14. I guess that's kind of cool, actually.