COLIN MOCHRIE

As I get older, I'm trying to accept improvisation into my day-to-day living.

My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever.

Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy.

This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.

My agent, Jeff Andrews, suggested I write a book. For some reason. he doesn't like it when I'm not doing anything.

My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist!

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

To be a dramatic writer takes hard work, talent, and discipline. And that's why I just make up crap.

Comedy is such a personal thing. Everybody can cry at the same thing, but it's a lot harder to get everyone to laugh at the same thing.

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

The American audiences are more vocal and enthusiastic. British audiences tend to sit back a little more.

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

I'm quite shy. Really. I'm trying to expand myself as a person more, get involved with people.

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.