Unpleasant Encounters Quotes

The grumpier you are, the more assholes you meet.

I've had a disproportionate share of interaction with jerks.

Two things I have never done and never plan to do are catch Coronavirus or meet Jelly Nutella in person.

If you date, you will meet your share of weirdos and jerks. That is as sure as death and taxes.

I used to go into pubs and people would want to pick a fight with me. I would hear a group of girls say: 'Oh look, there's Pat Cash.' And then one of them would come up to me and say, 'You think you're so good,' and throw a drink in my face. That kind of reaction from people was a bit of a shock initially, and you don't ever really get used to it.

Life, like the boring drunk at the office party, keeps seeking you out, leaning on you, killing you with pointless yarns and laughing bad-breathed in your face at its own unfunny jokes.

Everyone has an uncomfortable club in their bag.

America has been a very cold place to me, and it was good once in a while. I meet good people. Sometimes I meet bad people. But there are some things that I still haven't forgotten today that hurt that bad.

I dread handshakes. I've got some problems with my hands, and everywhere I go, people want to impress me with their grip. To make it worse, now women are coming up with that firm shake.

I really don't despise anyone. But there is a list of a half dozen people I would prefer never to hear from or see again.

The room-service Caesar salads with soggy croutons, the distant relatives who show up at readings pitching weird, far-fetched investment schemes, the fans who have you sign a book to 'Cathy' and then tell you, 'No, it's Kathy with a K' - it gets challenging after a while. It tests your stamina.

Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.

I wouldn't mind meeting some of the people I've attempted to portray from the olden, olden days. They probably would all have really terrible skin and horrible bad breath, and I'd have to give them an Altoid.

Anyone who buys a ticket can just go in there, and I don't like everyone, so I always see concerts as like, I'm going to get punched, I'm going to get elbowed, I'm going to get stepped on, get spilled on, someone's going to hit me with their body odor or something.