Unfortunate Accidents Quotes

I had the longest awkward phase. I had braces for 3 years; I cut my own bangs too far back and they looked like a bowl cut, and I broke my nose twice.

We were happy a hundred years ago. We knew that there were exploiters and exploited, wealthy and poor, and we had a perfect idea of how to get rid of injustice; we would expropriate the owners and turn the wealth over to the common good. We expropriated the owners and we created one of the most monstrous and oppressive social systems in world history. And we keep repeating that in principle everything was all right, only some unfortunate accidents slipped in and slightly spoiled the good idea. Now let us start afresh.

I am a disaster magnet. I came home from our first anniversary vacation with jellyfish stings, a puncture wound from a wrought iron pineapple and a cork-shaped bruise in my cleavage.

I used to run into lampposts. That was my party trick.

I always end up hurting myself doing something mundane. If I have to do some complicated stunt, I'm fine.

Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.

Children are a house's enemy. They don't mean to be - they just can't help it. It's their enthusiasm, their energy, their naturally destructive tendencies.

We would not have 'America's Funniest Home Videos' without drunk brides and grooms falling into cakes.

I have this weird obsession with kids and old people falling. Like, funny falls. It is awful, but it's the thing that makes me laugh the most.