Toilet Training Quotes

One year, I'd completely lost my bearings trying to follow potty training instruction from a psychiatric expert. I was stuck on step on, which stated without an atom of irony: "Before you begin, remove all stubbornness from the child." . . . I knew it only could have been written by someone whose suit coat was still spotless at the end of the day, not someone who had any hands-on experience with an actual two-year-old.

Rules governing defecation, hygiene, and pollution exist in every culture at every period in history. It may in fact be the foundation of civilization: What is toilet training if not the first attempt to turn a child into an acceptable member of society?

Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

Life is a sandwich of activity between two periods of bed-wetting.

When the baby is older take the diapers off, my girl is gonna do the Slop.

Liberals retain a totemic attachment to the Freudian idea that traumatic toilet training is destiny.

I do believe babies are born potty-trained. They're born knowing and are able to give subtle signals that become very prominent if you reinforce them.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

When Paris has to pee, Paris has to pee!

Is there some kind of rule for when Sam should be a boy and when he's a Wolf?" "A Wolf lifts his leg and yellows up the snow. A boy has to use the toilet." "And that will work?" "Only if he needs to pee.

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.

In the case of the classic Western helicopter parent, it starts with Baby Einstein and reward charts for toilet training, and it never really ends, which is why colleges have to devote so many resources to teaching parents how to leave their kids alone.

There is an inverse correlation between the cleanliness of a bathroom and my 3-year-old daughter's need to move her bowels.

I gotta go to the bathroom," Emby mumbles. "You should have thought of that before you left," says Hayden, putting on his best mother voice. "How many times do we have to tell you? Always use the potty before climbing into a shipping crate.

Stu Hart trained all his kids--only three of them use the litter box.

When you’re a bed wetter there’s only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they’re hard to come by.

What are you doing with the child?" I inquired cautiously. "I'm teachin' young James here the fine art of not pissing on his feet," he explained.