Tax Deadline Quotes

Elections should be held on April 16th- the day after we pay our income taxes. That is one of the few things that might discourage politicians from being big spenders.

Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that's just the folks here in the audience.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

The U.S. tax code was written by A students. Every April 15, we have to pay somebody who got an A in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.

Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.)

It's April 15, tax day. The federal tax code is over 74,000 pages long. But stick with it because after page 72,000, it gets really good.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'

Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.

Remember: If the IRS suspects you haven't reported income, it can challenge returns from the past six years. So if you are self-employed or have multiple income sources, hold on to six years of files to be absolutely safe.

Tax Day is often a source of frustration for taxpayers, so anything that can make the process less painful is appreciated.

We all have to pay our bills. We all have to pay our taxes. Straight up.

If I have to do my tax online, the government should pay for my Internet hook-up, darling.

Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it out to China.

You should keep a copy of your tax return indefinitely, but you need to save supporting documents for only three years.

I mean I imagine I could have done a better job with keeping my paperwork and paying my taxes. For the most part, everything happened exactly the way it should.