Standup Routine Quotes

I'm living in L.A., which is hard to get around. I live way out in the suburbs, it's hard for me to get to town. You get five minutes here, then you gotta drive a half hour to the next one. New York was so much easier for standup because you could hit five clubs in a night. Just jump in a cab, pop. Boom, boom, boom. And you could walk to some of 'em, and work out stuff on the way. You can really get some more traction out there. You could work new material easier out there, I thought.

I did a gig as a standup when I was eight years old. I went on holiday with my family to this holiday camp and they had a talent competition and I entered as a standup.

That's a nice thing about being a topical standup: you can add in things to keep it fresh.

I do standup once a year, when I host the CMAs.

I started doing standup because of Hugh Grant's best-man speech in 'Four Weddings,' which is basically a standup routine.

One of the funniest lines in my show was written for me by Alan Bursky. I really want to learn this routine!

I even get tired performing standup, which is normally a low-impact exercise in futility but looks hard the way I do it. That's why I take a lot of breaks, often stopping in the middle of a joke to catch my breath, or blame the crowd for not laughing before the punchline.

Ross Noble at the Leicester De Montfort Hall on his Randomist tour - it's the only time I've hurt from laughing at a standup comedian.

I have a standup I do in gay bars, and it's filthy. I have to assess the crowd. If it's an all-gay crowd, I'll dip into the stories of my sordid past.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.