Religious Irony Quotes

But at any rate, the point is that God is what nobody admits to being, and everybody really is.

I want Jesus to come back and say 'THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT'" -

Bad Religion has never been about criticizing people who are Christian. But we've always been about pointing out the irony and contradictions in Christian theology and the more extreme versions of Christians that seek to challenge modern secularism.

I may be a Jewish scientist, but I would be tickled silly if one day I were reincarnated as a Baptist preacher.

My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday?

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

There has been only one Christian. They caught him and crucified him--early.

Voltaire spoke of the Bible as a short-lived book. He said that within a hundred years it would pass from common use. Not many people read Voltaire today, but his house has been packed with Bibles as a depot of a Bible society.

It was peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace was coming because the priest would say it five times rapid fire. He'd go, “My peace I leave, my peace I give to you. While we ate Reese's Pieces with the Lord. And I have a piece of lint in my peaceful eye"!

If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.

God said, "Let us make man in our image." Man said, 'Let us make God in our image.

Everybody wants to go to heaven. They just don't want God to be there when they get there.

The family motto is “The Lord Shall Provide.” So far the task has been undertaken by the working classes of the West of Scotland.

I believe it's my pastoral duty to convert friends to atheism.

MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.

I don't suppose God laughs at the people who think He doesn't exist. He's above jokes. But the devil isn't. That's one of his most endearing qualities.

Death is the only monastery; the tomb is the only cell, and the grave that adjoins the convent is the bitterest mock of its futility.

Did you hear the one about the elderly Jew on his deathbed who sent for a priest, after declaring to his astonished relatives that 'I want to convert.' Asked why he would become a Catholic, after living all his life as a Jew, he answered: 'Better one of them should die than one of us.'

An atheist waving a cross at a vampire was a truly pitiful sight.

Among the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour. How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics.

What people like to comment on a lot is that I grew up in a religious family; my father is a pastor, and now I'm playing the devil. Thankfully, my family see the humorous side of the job.

Man is certainly crazy. He could not make a mite, and he makes gods by the dozen.

Voltaire expected that within fifty years of his lifetime there would not be one Bible in the world. His house is now a distribution center for Bibles in many languages.

It's only fitting that a Jewish comic makes his Just for Laughs anglo debut in a church, right?

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.