Late Night Show Quotes

On 'Late Night,' it's like we're all in on the joke. That's what I wanted it to be. I'm not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don't like those. We can all ride together, and everyone's on the same thing going, 'Aha, I know where you're going here.'

I try hard not to repeat myself and not to do material other people are doing. We transcribe every other late-night show to make sure there's no similarity.

Someone asked why I invited Jon Stewart to be the first guest on the 'Journal''s premiere in 2007. 'Because Mark Twain isn't available,' I answered. I was serious.

With Late Night Show I can begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert.I just hope I don't find him on Ashley Madison.

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Who made me laugh when I was growing was Chaplin and the Marx Brothers, and then moving on, there were so many that I was a writer for for many years: I was a writer for the Smothers Brothers, Lily Tomlin, then I started on 'Saturday Night Live' as the head writer the first year we started it.

I want to be the Letterman of metal. I want five nights a week, Monday to Friday, 11 to 12, live. I always shoot for the moon.

We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that has lower numbers than he does.

Colbert makes me crazy: he's so funny. Plus, he seems like an extraordinarily decent dude.

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

Working on The Daily Show, I co-produced all those field segments, and that's another huge thing.I probably did more than 100 field segments.

I thought late-night was crowded... the format's repetitive.

I think that by doing the podcast, I've grown to actually enjoy hosting a little more and realize that my role is a bit of a host, even though I thought I was totally avoiding that by creating this construct. But hosting a late night show has never really been a goal of mine in particular, but it could be fun.

My first acting gig was a skit for Jay Leno on 'The Tonight Show.' It was this Barbie commercial where I got to pour mud all over Barbie dolls and watch the heads pop off. It was so exciting, a lot of fun.

I have talent crushes on Fred Armisen and Kyle Mooney.

I think he's a great talent, Stephen Colbert.

People made a big deal out of the fact this is the first time a sitting president has done a late-night show. We tried to have other presidents on, but President Bush went to bed every night at 9:00. And President Clinton always seemed to have other late-night plans.

Late-night shows are 'Chopped.' Who are your guests tonight? Your guests tonight are veal tongue, coffee grounds and gummy bears. There, make a show ... Make an appetizer that appeals to millions of people. That's what I like. How could you possibly do it? Oh, you bring in your own flavors. Your own house band is another flavor.

Career wise, I think the dream for many of us is some kind of late night type of show. Something where you're allowed to be funny and you get to write, you have guests and you get to do silly skits. That is my ultimate, bucket list career moment.

I wonder how Jon Stewart is doing right now. I just ... I hope he's happy.

I accidentally saw David Byrne's last two songs in Prospect Park at a free concert because I came out of a movie late, and he was still playing.

Welcome to the program. My name is Dave Letterman, and tonight I'm giving my two-week notice.

Stephen Colbert used to be my friend. I even signed the poor baby's cast when he hurt his hand.

Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.