I lost 'The X Factor,' and I lost 'Deal or No Deal' twice. I'm good at losing game shows.
Laughter is a celebration of our failings. That's what clowns are for. And that's what I am.
Prayer never works for me on the golf course. That may have something to do with my being a terrible putter.
When you have a lousy football team, you learn to be funny.
I was a terrible painter - my portraits looked like the evil chimera love-children of Picasso's demoiselles and the BBC test card clown.
I didn't know how to run a business. I was a terrible gallerist, the worst in history, possibly.
Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work.
I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving, because it's easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is easier because you can make a joke out of it.
