Celebrity Humor Quotes

I've never seen Kendrick Lamar crack a joke, and I've met him, but I'm sure he's hilarious, too, just because he's so good at rapping. J. Cole is a funny guy as well. Drake is funny. But who's the funniest guy I've met who is a rapper? I would say 50 Cent.

The quest for Tommy Lee Jones' laugh begins now.

John Goodman's pretty dark - I love John Goodman.

Even celebrities, most people have a sense of humor. Most of the people we meet who we've done on the show, like it.

I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.

My favorite band - and Bobby Cannavale and Terry Winter have already made fun of me for this - is Chicago.

This is a big surprise I don't agree with the concept of award ceremonies, but I'm prepared to make an exception for the ones I'm nominated for. The last time there was a naked man covered in gold paint in my house, it was me.

When I heard Cristiano Ronaldo was pictured holding a manbag, I was surprised it was a gucci bag and not another guy's sack.

I'm Eddie Vedder and I sing. I do.

The Sun in London ran a front page declaring my bum a national treasure. I really did laugh at that. Its not like it can actually do anything, except wiggle.

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

I have some calls out to Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Eddie Murphy. I said, 'I won't star in any blockbuster films if you stay out of animated films.' They just won't call me back.

This is why Jessica Biel is a successful actress: because, despite the punchlines, you know how to tell a joke.

For years, I was compared to Wookiees, especially after I did the 'Star Wars Holiday Special.' I have some photos of me with a few of the Wookiees on the set, and it's hard to tell us apart.

It's funny, because in 1970 I met the Beatles quite by a chance at a party. It was the Beethoven bicentenary, and I was then also playing the Beethoven Sonatas. And that's all they wanted to hear about - I wanted to talk about them, and all they wanted to talk about was Beethoven.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

I'm wearing a garbage bag. I was put on my own worst-dressed list.

I always say to Blake Griffin that he has a better comedy career than I do.

[Vincent Price] was the funniest damn guy I ever met.

God bless Skrillex. I love the kid, but he puts out a new video, what, every four weeks? I'm like the Dos Equis guy. I don't normally do music videos, but when I do, I go big.

My 'Pearl Harbor' story is that I've never seen it, and I suspect that I was cut completely from the movie, but my name is fairly high in the credits at the end. So, anybody that's ever said that they saw me in Pearl Harbor, I think they just saw the list of credits at the end of the movie.

I am keeping with tradition today. After I learned of my Golden Globe nomination, I went to the dentist, so today, let's make it the orthodontist.

I thought it was really funny that half the people I autographed things for said, 'Autograph the back of my phone.' I was like, 'What? Really? Seriously?' They didn't have anything else.

I met Robert Redford at the Golden Globes because he stepped on my foot. He stepped on my foot as he was walking by, and he was like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry!' And I was like, 'It's all right. Robert Redford can step on my foot.'