Chris Gethard Quotes

I thought I was God's gift to mankind and the greatest Irishman since George Best.

I'd rather call myself a mischief-maker, an imp, rather than a satirist. Satirist sounds so self important. Plus no one is calling himself an imp right now. It makes me feel special.

I think I'm funnier in my writing than in person.

I am built funny. Picture Mark Twain's head on Ichabod Crane's body. Now hold your mental picture to the light and crumple it.

These stories about my intellectual capacity really get under my skin. You know, for a while I even thought my staff believed it. There on my schedule first thing every morning it said, 'Intelligence Briefing.'

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Am I hideous, Jane? Very, sir: you always were, you know.

I never met a soul in this world as normal as me.

You can't be vain as an actor. In 'Ab Fab,' we were made up as old women with bald wigs and jowly necks, and we looked fantastic.

You can get rich making fun of me. I know. I've made lots of money making fun of me.

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny.

I don't even take myself seriously, so how could I possibly take Hollywood seriously?

I have written a book. This will come as quite a shock to some. They didn't think I could read, much less write.

It's funny, because I never think of myself as Little Miss All-Together.

I think when you do comedy, you play by a different set of rules. No one really wants you to be in that good shape. Being in good shape implies a level of vanity that isn't necessarily funny.

I am funny. No one else thinks I am funny. But I am funny.

I don't take myself seriously. Others should take me seriously, I don't.

I'm blonde and bad.

I don't like to watch myself on screen because in my mind there is a touch of George Clooney about me, but when I see it, there is more than a little Donkey from 'Shrek' about me.

They called me the sexiest economist in America, and that was years ago, when I had hair and body mass and my teeth were shiny.

I've turned arrogance into an artform, where it's so absurd that it becomes comedy. But I've never done anything to hurt anybody or steal from anyone.

I'm not that good looking. That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.

My instincts are not comedic.

You know, I'm just a very boring, not very funny person in person. I don't feel pressured to be otherwise.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.