Emily Maitlis Quotes

There is certainly a higher percentage of wit in British comedy than in American comedy. What always tickles me is the way in which people try to use their intellect to get themselves out of tricky situations but never quite manage to do so - much to their enormous embarrassment.

You've got to have a sense of humour about sex. When you look at it, it's all pretty ridiculous, isn't it?

I walked into the wrong examination room. I'm bad enough at facial recognition... I saw more that day than I cared to. Fortunately, I didn't recognize her from that angle, whoever it was, and I didn't ask. I'm off to a rocky start on the road to fatherhood, but I got a free view.

I'm very well known for hiding my phone in really weird places. I can hide it in a refrigerator during a scene or under that bed. It's pretty bad, but at the end of the day we can all laugh at it.

I don't mind being a buffoon.

I've fallen over on stage a couple of times, but I've only ever bruised my ego.

I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're laughing.

Naked dudes are inherently funny.

In comedy, you have to be unafraid to hang from the tree branch naked in the high wind and you have to be absolutely unafraid to look ridiculous and silly.

One time I introduced my orchestra as the Shampoo Music Makers instead of the Champagne Music Makers.

I think nudity is funny, especially when it's inappropriate.

Sometimes the stuff I come up with is so silly I feel like I need to apologize at the end of every one of them.

I like to think of myself as the corniest, most awful thing you could possibly imagine.

I swear, sometimes I am convinced my life is just a series of sketches for America's Funniest Home Videos, minus all that pants-dropping business. Except my life really isn't all that funny if you think about it.

To this day it cracks me up to think that my debut on national British television as a reporter ends with me turning a trick.

The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with Andrew Ridgeley] were two guys really making asses of ourselves.

Laughter is the climax in the tragedy of seeing, hearing and smelling self-consciously.

That's the key to comedy: allowing yourself to look stupid

It's a dirty job being ridiculous, but I'll do it

He [Uncle Vernon] held up the envelope in which Mrs. Weasley’s letter had come, and Harry had to fight down a laugh. Every bit of it was covered in stamps except for a square inch on the front, into which Mrs. Weasley had squeezed the Dursleys’ address in minute writing. “She did put enough stamps on, then,” said Harry, trying to sound as though Mrs. Weasley’s was a mistake anyone could make.

I never did like the idea of sitting on newspapers. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants.

There are very few moments in a man's existence when he experiences so much ludicrous distress, or meets with so little charitable commiseration, as when he is in pursuit of his own hat.

Adrian frowned. 'Is that a noose?' 'It's a tie!' I cried, trying not to feel offended. He laughed, clearly delighted at this. 'My mistake.

Pie throwing is kind of a lost art, and although it may be a rather rudimentary, burlesque humor, there's something inherently funny about taking a pie in the face, under the right conditions.

When did you get so smart?" He tapped his forehead. "Brain transplant. They put in a whale's. I'm passing all my classes with my eyes closed now, but I just can't get over this craving for krill." He shrugged. "And I feel sorry for the whale that got my brain. Probably swimming around Florida now trying to catch glimpses of girls in bikinis.