Donald Glover Quotes

My primary school teacher once poured a bottle of curdled school milk forcefully down my throat. Then I threw it up all over her suede shoes. I'd rather have drunk from the spittoon in Barney's barber shop.

I was on stage with Cyndi Lauper, and my trousers split. It seemed like she was going to sing for ever.

I got pantsed in 'Bar Wars,' the number-one rated episode of 'Cheers' all time. I'm very proud of that.

In my senior year of high school, I was doing a dance with a bunch of friends for the talent show, and my pants split entirely in half. It was incredible.

It came so soon and so fast. It's just overwhelming. Every time I think about it, I just can't believe it.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

My partner and I won the race, and I threw my hat into the air and bent to pick it up. Everyone started laughin' because I had split the back end of my pants out, and I wasn't wearing shorts.

When you're traumatized, you pick out one thing you remember more than anything else.

I tried writing fiction as a little kid, but had a teacher humiliate me, so didn't write again until I was a senior in college.

Five minutes before I went on, I looked at my manager and said, I'm going to get booed. I know it's going to happen. And you're responsible because you put me on here. It was horrible. I've never been more hurt in my entire life.

One time I laughed so hard, I just had to go and change my pantyhose. I lost it. Lost it. At least it wasn't onstage.

The only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping and showing off his shortcomings.

I have my own difficulty with movies in which the suffering of the characters is too real, and many find it difficult to watch comedies that rely too heavily on embarrassment; the vicarious reaction to this is too unpleasant.

It was the worst day of my life. Khrushchev savaged me.

I was the dude you didn't wanna go to school with, because I would come to school and get on your shoes. If you had a hole in your pants, I'd talk about it all day long. If your hair was messed up, if you had buck teeth, I'd talk about it all day long. And I made people laugh doing it, but it wasn't like I thought I was a comedian.

Standup is a place where, as long as it's funny enough, you can say your most embarrassing things, shameful things and disappointing things.

Once I got beat by Mayweather I felt so ashamed. I cancelled all my functions, all my appearances, I didn't want to walk down the street. I was too embarrassed to even go and have a pint with my mates.

I know what it's like to be humiliated.

Me and Noel went to HBO once and pitched this really ludicrous idea about us driving around in a haunted car, and they just stared at us. Literally stared at us! It was awful. Luckily, we were together, so we could laugh about it, but if we were on our own, it would have been one of the worst moments ever.

I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and then gets wiped out every time.

It's possible the only thing I love more than working with Gabe Diani and Etta Devine is humiliating myself on film for all to see.

Whenever I've had a wig fall off, I've just played it off like I meant it to happen. Just keep a good sense of humor about it.

There is a relationship between humor and fear. Think of all the gags you ever heard that have to do with dismemberment, or something that's horrible in one way or another, even if it's just horrible in the sense that somebody's being embarrassed. What do kids laugh at? Kids laugh if your fly's down. That's hilarious. But for the kid whose fly is down, it's a horrible situation.

There are the class clowns that are disruptive and the kids laugh and you earn the teacher's disdain, I was the kind of class clown that also cracked the teacher up. I was funny in a way that was not dissing the teacher; I was funny just to be funny.

I always seem to be chosen to do very flattering things like the beard comb over or go to the bathroom with the door open on Sex and the City or be the guy people meow at in Super Troopers. It's great for self esteem.