Maureen Dowd Quotes

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages.

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.

It's difficult to know what to say to someone whose partner has cheated on them.

If you hear that my soul mate still tells one or more of his exes he loves her, I want to know. Audio recording is preferable.

When a man leaves his mistress, he runs the risk of being betrayed two or three times daily.

In love deceit almost always outstrips distrust.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Never ask a man where's he's been. If he's out on legitimate business, he doesn't need an alibi. And, girls, if he has been out on illegitimate business, it's your own fault.

I never cheated, for the record, back when I was with you. But you believed in everything but me girl, I don't get you

Everybody has been cheated on, everyone will be cheated on.

How can you tell your wife you are just popping out to play a match and then not come back for five days?

I haven't been unfaithful, well only when I was younger!

Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' " I didn't know what I was goin' to do.

Now I lay me down to cheat on the woman I love so, and if I die between these sheets I pray to God she'll never know.

Lipstick on your collar said you were untrue. Bet your bottom dollar, you and I are through.

Mutual cheating is the foundation of society.

I’ll always deny that I kissed her. I was just whispering into her mouth.

Any man who will cheat for you will cheat against you.

How foolish it is to run away with a man who's already run away with someone else.

Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages.

Don't trust a guy who accuses you of infidelity. He's cheating. He's projecting. If you're living that kind of life, you think everybody else is too.

The cheating was sweet, but my heart is beat. Don't tear it apart, please by-pass this heart.