Bob Uecker Quotes

A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off."

I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Somehow we just don't make the same boisterous fun of Holy Week that we do of Christmas. No one plans to have a holly, jolly Easter.

Man appoints, and God disappoints.

Easter is one of my favorite holidays with the kids. They get to run loose, and we always have our family and loved ones all around us!

We always have a traditional Easter egg hunt on Easter Sunday. My Aunt Lynne organises that for the family, so we go to her house in Hampshire and it gets ever more elaborate every year.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

Hundreds of barefoot Filipinos marched on the roads through the Philippines carrying heavy wooden crosses and whipping their backs until they bled to prepare for Easter. Call me old-fashioned but I just like coloring the eggs.

I think this is when most people give up on their stories. They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies. But they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought. They can't see the distant shore anymore, and they wonder if their paddling is moving them forward. None of the trees behind them are getting smaller and none of the trees ahead are getting bigger. They take it out on their spouses, and they go looking for an easier story.

Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.

He's the only man I know of who can hide his own easter eggs.

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent.

Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead - and we get chocolate eggs. It's like turn-down service from God.

On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughing…. Well, I’ll just say it’s never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you.

You know the sting of losing or not getting something you badly want. When that happens show what you are made of.

Nothing more aggravates ill success than the near approach of good.

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..." ... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible. "Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?

You couldn't make the fans throw up their hands if they swallowed their fingers.

people think they know what they're getting, and they're always wrong.

When I gave up a grand slam to Pete LaCock, I knew it was time to quit.

Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest, and despair most fits.

Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment.