Simon Hoggart Quotes

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

If you have a guy over, and there's a whole bunch of china from your wedding, it's not a good idea.

It is not a happy lot being a princess in any country, but especially Japan in which every tiny aspect of one's life is governed by the most rigid rules of protocol.

When I talked to him on the phone yesterday. I called him George rather than Mr. Vice President. But, in public, it's Mr. Vice President, because that is who he is.

Here’s a little Washington clue. When they say, “With all due respect,” they’re about to insult you.

Writers on etiquette receive a continuous flow of questions on subjects such as 'When is it too early in the season to wear white accessories?' and 'What is the proper gift to send to a family in mourning?'

Arranging an official dinner in an embassy is a little like writing a script for a play. The prolog is the guest list, often the most difficult part of the whole creative operation.

There are times to be casual and times to be correct. It's all right to wear a sweater and slacks on a picnic, but they don't belong in the theater or the drawing room.

Next time there’s a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!

I do not stand on protocol. If you just call me Excellency, it will be okay.

In between the Queen and the First Lady, Nancy Reagan, sat Tony Richardson, looking very calm. Later on it emerged that this was because, having not been apprised of the placement until he was about to sit down, he had died of fright. To have expired was to be fortunate.

The icy precepts of respect.

Whether we like it or not, asking is the rule of the kingdom

Someone trying to be funny probably isn't as funny as someone who doesn't want to be funny but is and can't help it. Someone being serious or angry might be funny. If you get angry, the first thing I want to do is laugh because I don't know why you're getting that angry. Pathos makes me laugh, funerals make me laugh.

The only use she has for the word fun is to make the word funeral.

A gentleman does not appear to know more or to be more than those with whom he is thrown into company.

There's always this kind of odd idea that people would say, "Oh, do you know the Queen?" But really people are much smarter than that.

There's an essential order you have to follow in everything. It's a way of showing respect, following everything in the correct order.

All ceremonies are in themselves very silly things; but yet, a man of the world should know them. They are the outworks of Mannersand Decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not for that defence, which keeps the enemy at a proper distance.

When people complain of the decay of manners they have in mind not the impudent abbreviations of the crowd, but the decline in bowing and scraping and in speaking of one's employer as "the master." What the rich mean by the good manners of the poor is usually not civility, but servility.

If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.

Good manners consist of doing precisely what everyone thinks should be done, especially when no one knows quite what that is.

Courtesy dictates that we offer fellow wizards the opportunity of denying us entry.

The civilities of the great are never thrown away.

As my Lord says, my Lord's leg is not a side of beef. Thank you, my Lord, for instructing me.