Dorothy Parker Quotes

When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read: "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like." I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved. And when you come to my grave you will find me sitting there, proudly reading it.

My epitaph? My epitaph will be, 'Curiosity did not kill this cat'.

'Curiosity never killed this cat’ — that’s what I’d like as my epitaph.

When I die, I want it to say 'Short and Funny' on my tombstone.

I often thought my gravestone would say, 'Here lies Gandalf. He came out,'

Once someone asked me, "What do you want to be your epitaph?" So I said, "Paulo Coelho died when he was alive.

I picture my epitaph: 'Here lies Paul Newman, who died a failure because his eyes turned brown.

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.'

Lest when I am gone you may be at a loss for an epitaph for me, let me give you one - He Fed Fevers.

One puts off the biography like you put off death. To write an autobiography is to etch the words on your own gravestone.

The day after Paul Newman was dead, he was twice as dead.

On limestone quarried near the spot By his command these words are cut: Cast a cold eye On life, on death. Horseman, pass by!

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it.

Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damndest.

Important thing is not the me that's lying here, but the me that's sitting on the edge of the bed looking back at me, and the me that's downstairs cooking supper, or out in the garage under the car, or in the library reading. All the new parts, they count. I'm not really dying today. No person ever died that had a family.

This is the epitaph I want on my tomb: Here lies one of the most intelligent animals who ever appeared on the face of the earth.

Stop looking out, start looking in. Be your own best friend. Stand up and say, hey, this is mine!

How different each death is, and yet it leads us into the self-same country, that country which we inhabit so rarely, where we see the worthlessness of what we have long pursued and will so soon return to pursuing.

In my mind my obituary is done.It is done and it is right. It tells the truth and as awful as it can be, the truth is what matters. It is what I should be remembered by, if I'm remembered at all. Remember the truth. that is all that matters

...if I die suddenly, my gravestone might appropriately offer this insight into my departure: "God got tired." I require lots of work.

When I'm killed, don't think of me Buried there in Cambrin Wood, Nor as in Zion think of me With the Intolerable Good. And there's one thing that I know well, I'm damned if I'll be damned to Hell!

I like to think of my shining tombstone. It gives me, as you might say, something to live for.

If I can, I shall keep my death from saying anything that my life has not already said.