Daniel Handler Quotes

Polite conversation is rarely either.

Never speak of a man in his own presence. It is always indelicate, and may be offensive .

Just because you can say things that are uncivil does not mean that your should say things that are uncivil.

Politeness is sometimes a great tax upon sincerity.

Racist people, interestingly, are never as polite as smokers. Have you noticed that? Smokers always go, "Do you mind if I smoke? Oh, you do? Okay, I'll go outside and have a cigarette."

Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.

...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.

A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing than to act one; no more right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down.

if you have to say “no offense” to someone, you have already offended them.

There is something about conscious tact that is very irritating.

There are occasions on which all apology is rudeness.

Please don't think me negligent or rude. I am both, in effect, of course, but please don't think me either.

Let other people finish their sentences when they’re talking.

I imagine how cool it would be if all small talk wasn't lies.

People say that you always have to tell the truth. But they do not mean this because you are not allowed to tell old people that they are old and you are not allowed to tell people if they smell funny or if a grown-up has made a fart. And you are not allowed to say, 'I don't like you,' unless that person has been horrible to you.

The man who thrusts his manners upon me does as if he were to insist on introducing me to his cabinet of curiosities, when I wished to see himself.

Curtsey while you're thinking what to say. It saves time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There is no excuse for bad manners, except fast reflexes.

Emily Post says that talking about oneself isn't very polite.' 'I'm sure Miss Post is perfectly correct, but that doesn't seem to stop the rest of us.

Tact, if it be genuine, never sleeps.

I don't mean to be rude—" he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable. "Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.

There's not much I dislike more than being addressed as "Hey you" and being poked with a finger.

I find it very eerie when somebody is being really polite.