JUDITH MARTIN

Being polite does not mean being mummified.

People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous.

Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one.

One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work.

The greater the controversy, the more you need manners.

We already know that anonymous letters are despicable. In etiquette, as well as in law, hiring a hit man to do the job does not relieve you of responsibility.

Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes.

Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not.

Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me.

Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.

For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one.

I try to behave myself, and I succeed.

There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class.

Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress.

Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution.

'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty.

I am a traditionalist, and I'm an innovator. Most of what I do is to weigh change and legislate to the best of my ability on what should change and what should not. Do I have a respect for tradition? Of course I do. Do I have a blind belief in it? No.

Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not.

Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children.

Email is very informal, a memo. But I find that not signing off or not having a salutation bothers me.

First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it.

Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities.

Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet.

Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them.

My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible.