Charles Bukowski Quotes

It was as unbelievable as the moon catching fire.

I can drown a drink of water. I can kill a dead tree. Don't mess with Muhammad Ali.

Reality is not always probable, or likely.

When I hear of an 'equity' in a case like this, I am reminded of a blind man in a dark room - looking for a black hat - which isn't there.

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

Life is much weirder than fiction; nothing's more absurd.

This is the most unheard of thing that I have ever heard of

I have figured for you the distance between the horns of a dilemma, night and day, and A and Z. I have computed how far is Up, how long it takes to get Away, and what becomes of Gone. I have discovered the length of the sea serpent, the price of priceless, and the square of the hippopotamus. I know where you are when you are at Sixes and Sevens, how much Is you have to have to make an Are, and how many birds you can catch with the salt in the ocean - 187,796,132, if it would interest you.

Nonexistence. The society of the nonexistent. In the street yesterday a nonexistent person trod on my foot with his nonexistent foot.

This is so absurd that it has, to my knowledge, never been contemplated.

Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.

There's nothing like the unimaginable to make people believe.

That can not possibly be, because it could never possibly be.

It was almost as incredible as if you fired a 15-inch shell at a piece of tissue paper and it came back and hit you.

Trust is an absurd phenomenon, logically absurd. That's why logic always says love is blind, although love has its own eyes, far more deep-going...still, to logic it is blind.

In love, everything is true, everything is false; it is the one subject on which one cannot express an absurdity.

If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.

Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

The square root of nothing.

To be without God is to be a snake / who wants to swallow an elephant.

I know that it is impossible to talk about my work. And since it's impossible for me or anybody else to talk about my work, I feel I might as well talk about it.

The improbability of a malicious story serves but to help forward the currency of it, because it increases the scandal. So that, in such instances, the world is like the pious St. Austin, who said he believed some things because they were absurd and impossible.

The Son of God died; it is by all means to be believed because it is absurd. And he was buried and rose again; the fact is certain, because it is impossible.

A hippo sandwich is easy to make. All you do is simply take one slice of bread, one slice of cake, some mayonnaise, one onion ring, one hippopotamus, one piece of string, a dash of pepper. That ought to do it. And now comes the problem... biting into it!

The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.