Augusten Burroughs Quotes

I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.

Usually, if I think something is really funny, I'm not gonna test it. I'll just test it when I'm onstage.

I think comedy, so much of it comes out of the strange sort of golden instant 'cause you don't know why it's funny, but you captured it.

I like witty people, people who can be witty on the spot.

The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick, and that's what I do.

It's funny, the hardest thing to do is to make something look like it's fast, loose and improvised, and get somebody to laugh.

Comedy is not something that a person can fake or learn how to do.

Often when you are starting out in comedy, you will find that people will laugh at the things you didn't think were funny. It's important to pay attention also to what people are laughing at when you are just talking in regular conversation. Often that is when you are truly being yourself.

In terms of the creative side of it, it's really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.

But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, but my staff tells me I'm sometimes funny. Not always on purpose, though.

Almost anything can be funny if said the right way - but it has to be said the right way.

Your wit makes others witty.

In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge.

Flirting is funny. And it's awkward and weird.

Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

There's a certain truism that you can't be self-conscious in comedy.

I tell jokes, chat with people, and make stuff.

No pickup lines! They're the worst. But I love jokes.

We don't worry about continuity because when we're doing so many improvs, it's better to get the laugh. It's better to get the great lines even if they're in the wrong part of the room.

Write a smart joke and people want to talk about it and keep the dialogue going. Also, if you can make someone laugh, it's a pronouncement that they like you on some level.

The shortest distance between two jokes makes a perfect speech.

one doesn't interrupt a beautiful girl unless one is going to be funny.

Foxy girls know that silence may be golden-but only for four seconds. Anything longer and you're heading for Awkward Avenue.

Want to have a short phone call with someone? Call them at 11:55 a.m., right before lunch. They'll talk fast. You may think you are interesting, but you are not more interesting than lunch.