Dave Barry Quotes

Holiday shopping is a challenge. Stores are crowded; people are stressed and rude... not exactly the spirit of the season.

Just stick with your kids. There's no set of rules on how to be a parent. No handbook. Just hang around your kids and ask them a lot of questions. You have to stay involved in your children's lives and monitor everything they're doing whether they like it or not. You're not in the job of making them like it. You're there to protect them in a world that can be troubling.

We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly.

In recent years, there have been reports of people with twisted minds putting razor blades and poison in taffy apples and Halloween candy. It is no longer safe to let your child eat treats that come from strangers.

A child can be taught not to do certain things, such as touch a hot stove, pull lamps off of tables, and wake Mommy before noon.

For sure, and we haven't found it yet. I understand why we have come to a time and place where we cannot touch the children at school for obvious reasons. I'm not that old, but back then some teacher would take our arm and squeeze it, and it was not fun.

I would no more teach children military training than teach them arson, robbery, or assassination.

One time I was at a swimming pool with my kids, a public pool. I had my daughter, my six year old, on my arm like this. She was like clamped on, and she's kicking. ... And then she got off and another random child just clamped on. It's like a rat. "Get off of me." "But I love you." "I don't know you, kid."

No child's behind left.

Watch over our child. Guide him safely from the ways of harm. Keep happy his heart, brave his soul, and rosy his cheeks. Guard with your life his hopes and dreams, for he is all that we have, all that we are, and all that we will ever be.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

Children are to be welcomed, cherished, protected.

Today's toys contain computer chips, so they can move and talk; this stimulates the mind of your child. Notice I say "your child." MY child just wants to eat the toys.

I'm for moral blackmail when it comes to putting away child molesters.

It is for these reasons that I believe we must expand day-care centers and provide other assistance which I have recommended to the Congress. At present, the total facilities of all the licensed day-care centers in the Nation can take care of only 185,000 children. Nearly 500,000 children under 12 must take care of themselves while their mothers work. This, it seems to me, is a formula for disaster.

I want to raise my children in a safe country. I want to help the children in the world who do not feel safe. I know what it feels like to feel unsafe. We need to do way better. Our country needs to do better.

Children are naive-they trust everyone. School is bad enough, but, if you put a child anywhere in the vicinity of a church, you're asking for trouble.

Consider Christmas - could Satan in his most malignant mood have devised a worse combination of graft plus bunkum than the system whereby several hundred million people get a billion or so gifts for which they have no use, and some thousands of shop clerks die of exhaustion while selling them, and every other child in the Western world is made ill from overeating - all in the name of the lowly Jesus?

Spare the rod and spoil the child - that is true. But, beside the rod, keep an apple to give him when he has done well.

No child asks to get born, so when they are here, they should be shielded from any possible horror.

This is not politics... it's to protect the innocence of children.

There are problems and there are children. It is our aim to separate the two.

Safety and security don't just happen, they are the result of collective consensus and public investment. We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear.

Let's save all the children, save the babies, save the babies.

Child abuse is one of those issues that's very difficult to talk about because it's surrounded by guilt and shame and so on, but us avoiding that issue doesn't help those kids in need out there who need support.