Dave Barry Quotes

Pity the married couple who expect too much from one another.

On the whole, show business is a hard business in which to be married.

Staying focused is hard work and staying married is even harder.

Maintaining marriage seems to be tougher than fatherhood: apparently it's the most difficult thing in the world.

If you had asked me when I was 28 and in my wedding dress if I ever thought I would end up in my forties flipping my husband the bird over potato chips, I'd say you were crazy.

If I get married, it's something you really have to work at. It's hard enough to work at having a relationship with best friends and girls that are in the business.

It's so easy to grow apart; marriage takes work.

It's probably hard to be married to me. It's not easy.

I just don't know a couple that's been married more than three years that doesn't annoy the heck out of each other every 15 minutes.

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

Marriage, even the best marriages are tough.

It's really difficult to go out on a date with the Secret Service ... How about the Secret Service on your honeymoon? It's amazing that David and I are still together.

As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.

Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain.

An otherwise happily married couple may turn a mixed doubles game into a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.

In all human love it must be realized that every man promises a woman, and every woman promises a man that which only God alone can give, namely, perfect happiness. One of the reasons why so many marriages are shipwrecked is because as the young couple leave the altar, they fail to realize that human feelings tire and the enthusiasm of the honeymoon is not the same as the more solid happiness of enduring human love. One of the greatest trials of marriage is the absence of solitude. In the first moments of human love, one does not see the little hidden deformities which later on appear.

Even the God of Calvin never judged anyone as harshly as married couples judge each other.

Some marriages depend on domestic arguments the way the courts depend on litigation.

Conflicts are not a sign you've married the wrong person. They simply affirm you are human.

Marriage. The beginning and the end are wonderful. But the middle part is hell.

The difficulty of course is that I like women. It is only wives I am in trouble with.

A two-career couple with children is a complex, sensitive piece of machinery with lots of moving parts. Anything less than total cooperation will throw it out of whack and shut it down. A couple can wind up paying the ultimate price for trying to have it all - losing it all.

People only live for forty or fifty years so if you were married for twenty or twenty-five of those then that was it. Now people live for eighty years and if your married for fifty or sixty of those you start to get on each other's nerves.

There are few wives so perfect as not to give their husbands at least once a day good reason to repent of ever having married, or at least of envying those who are unmarried.