Ally Carter Quotes

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many different ways, and yet somehow we still try to live together and be friends. I find that endlessly valuable as a source of material for humor. Generally dogs are always funny in my opinion. And the federal government - just a relentlessly productive source of humor.

Fifteen birds in five firtrees, their feathers were fanned in a fiery breeze! But, funny little birds, they had no wings! O what shall we do with the funny little things? Roast 'em alive, or stew them in a pot; fry them, boil them and eat them hot?

I wasn't making fun of my father in-law's religion. And even if I was so what, it's a comedy. Religion should be made fun of, it's quite ridiculous isn't it. Think how people spend their lives, they have no idea. They go around as if this is a fact. It's so insane you know. If I really believed that stuff I'd keep it to myself. Lest somebody think I was out of my mind.

See the ridiculous in everything.

Comedy aims at representing men as worse, Tragedy as better than in actual life.

The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object in life is a joke.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

Langdon turned to Sophie. "Who is that? What... happened?" Teabing hobbled over. "You were rescued by a knight brandishing an Excalibur made by Acme Orthopedic.

Bryon tilted his head to a very odd angle, half-closed his eyes and composed his features to suggest that he was about to expire from chronic indigestion.

Laughter is the climax in the tragedy of seeing, hearing and smelling self-consciously.

I think if she lived in A little shoe-house That little old woman was Surely a mouse!

By rights, satire is a lonely and introspective occupation, for nobody can describe a fool to the life without much patient self-inspection.

On Update, the only real original thing was trying to take away the cleverness of the punchline and make it as blunt as possible.

People who do comedy really are the nastiest people on the planet.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

One parody is worth a thousand polemics.

It's harder when people are playing along, because it's just not as funny. They're trying to be funny, and it sort of cancels out the whole joke.

I'm paid to make an idiot out of myself. Why do you do it for free?

Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book!

We demand that the government of Canada force Stockwell Day to change his first name to Doris. "Why do this," you may ask? Because it'll be fun.

We may observe in humorous authors that the faults they chiefly ridicule have often a likeness in themselves. Cervantes had much of the knight-errant in him; Sir George Etherege was unconsciously the Fopling Flutter of his own satire; Goldsmith was the same hero to chambermaids, and coward to ladies that he has immortalized in his charming comedy; and the antiquarian frivolities of Jonathan Oldbuck had their resemblance in Jonathan Oldbuck's creator.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

We reserve the right to make fun of every single person on planet Earth.