Dave Barry Quotes

As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office.

American democracy is spoiled by people buying everything in sight and then selling and buying everything in sight, including our politicians.

Whatever the eventual judgment, the political implications of Hutton are already clear. A devastating indictment of Labour in power - and of our political system itself.

You can't take a congressman to lunch for $25 and buy him a hamburger or a steak or something like that. But you can take him to a fund-raising lunch and not only buy him that steak, but give him $25,000 extra and call it a fund-raiser - and have all the same access and all the same interactions with that congressman.

Crony capitalism is essentially a condition in which... public officials are giving favours to people in the private sector in payment of political favours.

Politicians in this country have always been for sale. That is nothing new.

There's an awful lot of corruption in Japanese business and politics, corruption of the sort that can make for great setting for a spy story.

If Mr. Bush and Mr. Forbes don't get most of the votes, they should be arrested for wasting money.

That D.C. grand jury investigation of Abramoff can't go on forever. Eventually the lawyers at the Public Integrity Section will go to their bosses with some decisions about just who they want to indict. That's when Al Gonzales will have to show his cards.

Anybody who knows me knows my vote can't be bought.

You can’t have a corrupt lobbyist if you don’t have a corrupt Congressman or staff member…. It’s a team effort.

America has the best congress money can buy.

A $5,000 campaign contribution to a member of Congress will hardly get you a thank you these days.

Toshiba was able to purchase access to those who were writing the legislation. They won, but what they did was very offensive.

Politicians can be bought and often are.

It challenges a linguist to define modern campaign contributions as something other than bribery.

I needed the good will of the legislatures of four states. I formed the legislative bodies with my own money. I found it was cheaper that way.

It's hard to make corruption a partisan issue because voters are cynical about everybody in politics.

The abuse of buying and selling votes crept in and money began to play an important part in determining elections.

The T. and P. folks are working hard on their bill. … They offered one M. C. one thousand dollars cash down, five thousand when the Bill passed and ten thousand of the bonds when they got them, if he would vote for the Bill.

Of all American politicians, the small-bore officials who run the states are the most greedy and the least scrupulous… Relatively paltry sums, if well placed, could bring the passage of helpful laws, the veto of harmful ones, and, in a pinch, the nullification of judicial opinions.

Donations to political parties, candidates and elected officials should not be a means to gain personal or policy favours or buy access to politicians or civil servants…. Political parties, candidates and politicians should disclose assets, income and expenditure to an independent agency.

The Federal campaign contribution limit of $2,500 is way too low. You can’t even buy a Democrat for $2,500.

Farm subsidies are bribes for votes.

When a member of Congress has a leadership PAC, he can be legally bribed by making donations to the PAC because when the member of Congress retires or is voted out of office, he is allowed to use the leadership PAC money that remains for his and his family’s personal expenses.