Vanessa Bayer Quotes

Almost every week, someone's mad at me.

No matter what I do, you're going to be upset by something.

Simon drives me crazy. We are still arguing.

We didn't do anything wrong... Some are frustrated that we did it this way.

Grumbling is the death of love.

First, God made idiots, but that was just for practice. Then he made school boards.

Billie Jean just caught me on a bad day.

I know how the game works. If I field one, then the other complains. It's always the same.

In 2009, 2010, the Obama people were the ones mad at me.

My husband says I'm a grumpy lioness.

Why complain to the NBA and to the officials all the time, just like Tyrone Hill, always complaining about me on the court?

The common thread of my comedy shows is conflict and, I guess, the frustration of people who either argue with you or just say stuff which is blatantly incorrect, and nobody calls them out on it.

Women, O, women! They'll find the baddest meanin' in your words & hold it up.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

If at one time or another I have brushed a few colleagues the wrong way, I must apologize: I had not realized that they were covered with fur.

I haven’t prepared my speech yet,” I sighed and Tove stood up. “What should I say about him?” “Well, if you plan to say anything nice, you’re going to have to lie,” Tove muttered as he walked over to his closet.

People get annoyed when you try to debug them.

I just wondered where you —” Ron broke off, shrugging. “Nothing. I’m going back to bed.” “Just thought you’d come nosing around, did you?” Harry shouted. He knew that Ron had no idea what he’d walked in on, knew he hadn’t done it on purpose, but he didn’t care — at this moment he hated everything about Ron, right down to the several inches of bare ankle showing beneath his pajama trousers.

I don't understand what I did wrong except live a life that everyone is jealous of.

It occurs to me as we're all sitting here thinking of Mickey, he's probably somewhere getting an earful from Casey Stengel, and no doubt quite confused by now.

Talk. I'll just wait' shall I? Because my mission to save this town is of no importance whatsoever next to your girl talk."- Myrnin "Oh, shut up, you medieval drama queen" - Claire

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

I speak the truth but I guess that's a foreign language to ya'll!

I know by now you think I should have straightened myself out - Thank you, drop dead!

I am never taking a trip with either of you ever again.' Eve said. 'Ever.' Excellent' Shane said. 'Then next trip, we hit the strip bar.' I have a gun, Shane,' Eve sighed. What, you think i actually loaded yours?' Eve flipped him off, and Claire laughed.