Mark Twain Quotes

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made School Boards.

Satire makes people learn something more than being lectured.

Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

Men of power have no time to read; yet the men who do not read are unfit for power.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

Jokes are grievances.

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Education is lacking in most of those who pontificate.

And there begins a lang digression about the lords o' the creation.

You cannot govern, you cannot administrate, with an ignoramus.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

President Lincoln is timid, vacillating, and inefficient.

Governor Blanco is like Packman without the looks.

Me a President? I would be a worse President than George W. Bush if such a thing is possible.

He was not only a bore; he bored for England

Why hasn’t Gandhi died yet?

He [William Gladstone] has not a single redeeming defect.

We make fun of our leaders.

I think William Shakespeare was the wisest human being I ever heard of. To be perfectly frank, though, that's not saying much.

The teacher usually learns more than the pupils. Isn't that true? "It would be hard to learn much less than my pupils," came a low growl from somewhere on the table, "without undergoing a pre-frontal lobotomy."

You are absolute angels of the first order. If I were Pope, I’d canonize you.” “The Pope would probably love to turn a cannon on you!

The more you know, the more you can make fun of

I would not educate Donald trump. He is a very educated man.

Every thing in this world, said my father, is big with jest,--and has wit in it, and instruction too,--if we can but find it out.