Karl Pilkington Quotes

There's only so many times you can kick a dog before it turns viscous. (Julian)

There were only so many kicks a dog could take before it turned vicious.’ (Acheron)

Beate the dog before the Lyon.

Great, just great. The only thing to make him a worse asshole would be to kick a puppy.’ (Nathan)

Americans should be treated as a naughty spaniel. If it snaps at you, hit it across the face.

Are we beasts? Are we taking this too far?

Beat the dog and the panther will learn a lesson.

A long time ago, I had a bird that annoyed me, and the bird had to go. The bird's neck was snapped. I would also snap Conor McGregor's neck in a similar fashion.

Circuses don't treat their 'performers' very well - whipping them, trying to make them terrified.

When I find the motherfucker who tortured an innocent cat to death just to send us a warning, I'm going to clobber him with a baseball bat

You keep runnin that mouth and I'm goin to take you back there and screw you.

In my opinion, one of the greatest animal-welfare problems is the physical abuse of livestock during transportation.... Typical abuses I have witnessed with alarming frequency are; hitting, beating, use of badly maintained trucks, jabbing of short objects into animals, and deliberate cruelty.

Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.

Cruelty to animals can become violence to humans.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

Get your dirty stinking moron knees off my chest.

I'd love to see that rat nose smashed!

My favorite figure of the American author is that of a man who breeds a favorite dog, which he throws into the Mississippi River for the pleasure of making a splash. The river does not splash, but it drowns the dog.

Sometimes I nursed starfish alive in jam jars of seawater and watched them grow back lost arms. On this day, this awful birthday of otherness, my rival, somebody else, I flung the starfish against a stone. Let it perish.

The workman cut to the left, still laying on his horn, and roared around the drunkenly weaving limousine. He invited the driver of the limo to perform an illegal sex act on himself. To engage in oral congress with various rodents and birds. He articulated his own proposal that all persons of Negro blood return to their native continent. He expressed his sincere belief in the position the limo driver's soul would occupy in the afterlife. He finished by saying that he believed he had met the limodriver's mother in a New Orleans house of prostitution.

That cruelty which children are permitted to show to birds and other animals will most probably exert itself on their fellow creatures when at years of maturity.

I've never met a man I didn't mutilate.

One of the most dangerous things that can happen to a child is to kill or torture an animal and get away with it.

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

I will kick you in the nuts and you will smile and like it.