Rob Delaney Quotes

If something awkward happens, laugh. I don't think I've ever dated a guy who couldn't laugh - even in bed, during intimate times.

I've got a lot of little quirks and moments that - my wife, she knows exactly what to say and how to handle me, 'cause I can be hard to handle.

The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

I know you're on the Atkins diet, but could you stop eating bacon during sex?

Marriage is the cold potato of love.

To many women marriage is only this. It is merely a physical change impinging on their ordinary nature, leaving their mentality untouched, their self-possession intact. They are not burnt by even the red fire of physical passion - far less by the white fire of love.

The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.

Not everyone wants to know everything their partner did. Maybe it's enough to say, "Things aren't going well in our marriage. I've made mistakes. I don't think you've been a good partner to me. How do we go forward together?" I think there's a different answer for every couple. But I think intimacy is asking that question.

I got married recently. So far, so good. Less sex than I expected, but other than that, it's a pretty good lifestyle.

My husband wasn't put off by it - he thought it was hilarious to see me dressed as Dylan! He didn't particularly want to kiss me with stubble all over my face - it felt a bit odd! But I think he's used to it [the make-up process].

You should know the ins and outs [of the marriage]. So it was nice to see a little bit of background.

An intimate relationship is one that allows you to be yourself.

We invented marriage. Couples invented marriage. We also invented divorce,mind you. And we invented infidelity,too, as well as romantic misery. In fact we invented the whole sloppy mess of love and intimacy and aversion and euphoria and failure. But most importantly of all, most subversively of all, most stubbornly of all, we invented privacy.

After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

A man and a woman are new to one another throughout a life-time, in the rhythm of marriage that matches the rhythm of the year. Sex is the balance of male and female in the universe, the attraction, the repulsion, the transit of neutrality, the new attraction, the repulsion, always different, always new.

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together.

Cleverness is a quality a man likes to have in his wife as long as she is some distance away from him. Up close, he'll take kindness any day of the week, if there's nothing more alluring to be had.

The amount of women in London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean linen in public.

Men and women consume one another rapidly in what is called "the act of love," or else settle down to a mild habit of conjugality. We seldom find a mean between these two extremes.

Marriage can be complicated.

Dating is not only a wonderful time of life, but also a context for enormous spiritual and personal growth. You learn so much about yourself, others, God, love, spirituality, and life through dating. Done well, it can be fulfilling in and of itself. Done well, it can be one of the most fun and rewarding aspects of your life. Done well, it can lead to a good marriage.

I've been married for 17 years and you know how the actors say, "It's really technical. Those scenes are not sexy. They're just so technical. It's like work." And I'm like, "That's bullshit."