Christopher Moore Quotes

You get these Satanists types that don't believe in God. OK, so you realize you don't get Satan if you don't get God, right? Or atheists that want to believe in ghosts. Wait, wait, wait. You can't have a two-way go on that. You want to be agnostic, be an atheist, fine. But you don't bring ghosts along with you.

Contradictions make people feel off. They'll say, "Hey, you just said this and now this person is doing that, how is that possible?"

I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times." Takahashi swings his trombone case from his right shoulder to his left. Then he says, "It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. Recognizing and understanding the shadows is what a healthy intelligence does. And to acquire a healthy intelligence takes a certain amount of time and effort. I don't think you have a particularly dark character.

You cannot be on one hand dedicated to peace and on the other dedicated to violence. Those two things are irreconcilable.

One can't have it both ways and both ways is the only way I want it.

A man reveals his character even in the simplest things he does.

The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.

It is regrettable that, among the Rights of Man, the right of contradicting oneself has been forgotten.

An infinite personality is an infinite impossibility.

I am, like anybody else, full of contradictions and personality traits, and I don't know which ones to speak from as a stand-up or what aspects of myself to ask an audience to identify with.

Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix.

It always shocked me how you could understand so many things and be such a complete idiot about so many others.

People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same.

Anglers boast of the innocence of their pastime; yet it puts fellow-creatures to the torture. They pique themselves on their meditative faculties; and yet their only excuse is a want of thought.

Whatever you can rightly say about India, the opposite is also true.

What was I like? I had a high-pitched voice. Sounded a bit like a girl. Spoke with a Stoke accent, tremendously naive. Overconfident. Tremendously overconfident. And underconfident at the same time - really, really bad combination! Gets you places, though.

How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?

He [Gen. Douglas MacArthur] was a great thundering paradox of a man, noble and ignoble, inspiring and outrageous, arrogant and shy, the best of men and the worst of men, the most protean, most ridiculous, and most sublime.

There are literally several levels of SCO being wrong. And even if we were to live in that alternate universe where SCO would be right, they'd still be wrong.

All one's personality is embedded in gloves and hats after they've been good and used. Show me a glove and I'll tell you the character of its owner.

For me, truth cracks open in the places where things do not cohere. That's how life is.

Sometimes as human beings, we're so contradictory - we may say something or do something and completely contradict ourselves. That's what I'm learning to embrace in television - not knowing what's going to happen. I might make a specific choice for myself and then in the next episode the writers might write something that contradicts it.

Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.

Even in pure mathematics they can't remove all paradox, and the rest of us should also recognize we are going to have to endure a lot of paradox, like it or not.

A man who doles out sweets, and slaps, with the same hand.