Christopher Moore Quotes

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Eat my shorts!

When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass!

I wanted to wear the most impenetrable suit of armour ever known to mankind. 'Hello, Mr. Rotten...' You can't say anything about me. You can't put me down in any way shape or form - I'm rotten to the core... you know, what's left for you? Pleasantries? I suppose the worst insult you could sling my way is 'Oh, he's really nice, him.'

Yeah, I like causing trouble. It's the teddy boy in me. I used to be a teddy boy. Feeling slightly inferior and wanting to cause a bit of bother and get some action going on in the room rather than get bored stiff.

I will never have a heart attack. I give them.

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?

Tell them that the Americans and Californians are not worth a cigar. They can't fight and are cowards. Tell them I have a good stronghold here with 2,000 armed men and they can't get me out of here for three years to come. Tell them also that I have plenty of money, horses, mares, sheep, etc. and tell them to come on!

The meanest worm that crawls upon the earth, when trampled upon, will endeavor to recoil and strike back, and I say that the guilt of the rebellion does not rest with these men [the Metis rebels] so much as those who provoked them.

That all you got...Bub?

Desecration is the smile on my face.

Shane - "Tell you what: you can be Glammera the vampire hunter. I'll stick with being manly and heavily armed.

You have taught us much. Come with us and join the movement." "This movement of yours, does it have slogans?" inquired the Chink. "Right on!" they cried. And they quoted him some. "Your movement, does it have a flag?" asked the Chink. "You bet!" and they described their emblem. "And does your movement have leaders?" "Great leaders." "Then shove it up your butts," said the Chink. "I have taught you nothing.

I was born with the biggest middle finger on Earth.

You are such a chick." I widened my eyes in mock surprise. "No way. Are you sure?" Sighing again, he rubbed at the tattoos on his wrist. "Mackenzie was right. You aren't slayer material." Before he had time to register my intentions, I threw a punch. My sore, swollen knuckles slammed into his cheekbone, thrusting his head to the side. Pain shot up my arm, but I bit my tongue to stop a moan. "You were saying?" He popped his jaw, rubbed at the reddening skin-and slowly grinned. "Okay, so now I understand why Cole likes you. You're worse than Kat.

Oh!” said she, “I heard you before, but I could not immediately determine what to say in reply. You wanted me, I know, to say ‘Yes,’ that you might have the pleasure of despising my taste; but I always delight in overthrowing those kind of schemes, and cheating a person of their premeditated contempt. I have, therefore made up my mind to tell you, that I do not want to dance a reel at all--and now despise me if you dare.” “Indeed I do not dare.

Funk 'em, just to see the look on their face.

Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I'd strike the sun if it insulted me.

I wanna bite the hand that feeds me. I wanna bite that hand so badly. I want to make them wish they'd never seen me.

I think there's an innate sexuality that is attached to vampires and werewolves. It's passionate and sexual, undeniably so.

There are only two things you can do when you're dressed like Barbie Does Bondage; you can be embarrassed or you can be aggressive. Guess what my choice was.

I look down from the branch I'm perched on. The Careers look murderous. Now I smile.'How have things been with you?' I ask sweetly.

Why don't you fix your little problem and light this candle?

That all you got, George?