Michael Schur Quotes

It's good to be funny when you are a comedian.

I lived to make Scott Baio laugh.

I never used to tell jokes on stage. Now I'm cutting up jokes all night long.

A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

Nobody pulls a prank like George Clooney.

I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do.

Comedy is not easy to do - where you make someone laugh out loud in their living room.

I'm not a man who constantly thinks up jokes.

Fake buckteeth make a joke that you don't have to make any effort on, even if you're not a funny person.

The job of a comedian is to make people laugh, but a lot of my interests are in politics so I'm going to use that.

To be honest, I wasn't the best stand-up comic.

Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!

I like LA because it has a giant supply of great comedians.

Here’s my most funniest joke, I’m broke.

Russell Crowe likes to tell jokes, which I can't. I can't remember a joke to save my life. I don't have a brain for it.

I am a comedian and you guys know whatever I say, I don't mean any of it.

By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!

Comedy is crowded. There are hundreds of comedians in every place in the world.

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.

I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about.

I feel like we have so many different ways to express ourselves now, and I relish, I feel very lucky to be doing comedy.

I love comedy. I don't approach it any different. I'm not a comedian. I'm not a stand-up. I just do it like a part and personally, I love to watch comedies. If you don't get to do what you like to watch you get frustrated.

When you talk about George Burns you're talking about a living legend . . . well, a legend, anyhow.

Strict seriousness was far more dangerous than any joke.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.