William T. Vollmann Quotes

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I have written a book. This will come as quite a shock to some. They didn't think I could read, much less write.

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

What's so brave about being bald? I've not fought for my country or found the cure for cancer - I've just gone out without my hat on!

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

People come up to me and say, 'Can I just thank you for writing my life?' And I reply, 'I'm glad someone else is as idiotic as I am.'

Well, I always say that the two things I was most disastrous at in my life, being a teenager and being a wife, were the two things I really wound up cashing in on when I was writing fluffy magazine pieces.

I've turned arrogance into an artform, where it's so absurd that it becomes comedy. But I've never done anything to hurt anybody or steal from anyone.

You've probably noticed already that I'm dressed like a grown-up... I apologize to the Academy, and I promise that I will never do it again.

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke - and that the joke is oneself.

I don't believe you should make fun of anyone but yourself.

I've always had a sick sense of humor, and I've always wanted that to permeate the music because I don't take myself seriously. I take the music seriously, but I know I'm not God's gift to anyone except my mom.

I think it has something to do with being British. We don't take ourselves as seriously as some other countries do. I think a lot of people take themselves far too seriously; I find that a very tedious attitude.

I'm all about being self-deprecating because I think it's hilarious.

The thing is, I was never really a comedian - a comedian would scoff at the notion of me as a comedian because I've never done anything, really. I've always just been some guy who's funny.

I think I'm funnier in my writing than in person.

I've made a lot of crazy comedy videos and said a lot of crazy things. If it's too offensive, I apologize and move on, but I do comedy.

Fame is sexy. And women are meant to find men who are funny sexy. But not me. Absolutely not me. Clearly I just missed the sexy bit.

[On her political writings:] It is, I confess, very possible that these my Labours may only be destined to line Trunks, or preserve roast Meat from too fierce a Fire; yet in that Shape I shall be useful to my Country.

He once begged alms of a statue, and, when asked why he did so, replied, "To get practice in being refused."

Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian.

Yeah, well, we're all writers, aren't we? He's a writer that hasn't been published, and I'm a writer who hasn't written anything.

I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one's bottom.